Drawing shades. Becoming darker. Looking brighter. Pretend..

Normal, this is normal.

To be something you are not, to please because you want to be different. Or do you?

Don't you really just want to be normal?

Don't you really just want to tell everyone that you are the same as them?

Don't you just want to blend into the crowd and be ordinary?

If only it were that easy.

Label things,

make a schedule,

your location is here, the time is now.

But you look at your options and wonder:

     Is this really how I wanted to see the world?

     Or did I want to see something beautiful.

Because I expected it,

because you told me it could be true.

Because you were a liar and a cheat.

This isn't normal,

I am a machine and you are a fraud.

What are we doing?

Why can't we all just stop lying to each other.

I miss simpler times,

simpler people,

... when things weren't so dark and gritty.

Warm, black, bread

Like a glass city built by accident,
there are indentations in what I have to say.

Sometimes by chance,
I fall into something bigger than myself;
I discover greatness.

Perhaps it makes me feel less ordinary to explain to others that I do not really know what I'm doing,
because everyone else always pretends to be in control.
But they care too much.

Let the winds flow and take you,
because then you raise your arms silently,
teaching the world that you can resist gravity.

Things exist but if you can break the rules,
do you?
I say yes.
I have not yet heard your answer.

... Maybe it is better this way.

PENIS.

Alright, halfway there.
Because apparently I haven't written in red in a long time,
I thought it was that kind of time again. A mysterious one. One that eludes me. I miss this game.


"Yo why you tired at 5am bitch? You a big ol Vagina?"
"No man, been a long day. I just wanna rape people on DotA"
"Yo more like VAGINA DAY."
"aiiiiiite"
Who are these idiots I'm talking to?
Why can't I discern the difference between good and bad?


Is this why I want you so much?
To treat this as the final stretch to the start of something good-

Mistakes drawing slowly nearer

We are bridges,
suspended over uneasy waters,
bound to a shore we can no longer see.
Manipulating physics even though we're not entirely sure how,
we are children who learn to stand.
And slowly,
but surely,
we walk away from what we know,
with solid ground under our feet.

Stuck daydreaming, beautifully

The clouds hold a storm over this road...
You're dreaming...
Or at least you've got your eyes closed.

And you're suppressing your dormant love,

hibernating beneath a hardened coat.

Begging now, begging for air,

take one last silent breath, and sink under the water with me.

I'll pull back your hair and draw you,

draw you onto paper,

ever closer toward the window,

because I can see you,

and oh my god you're beautiful.

Do you wish to escape?
We've still got time...

In my mind this road runs straight,

but I can see you're scared,

unsure of where the bends will take you.

So then let me carry you home,

back home the long way,

we'll escape everything.

And maybe then, where I sit,

you can visit?

Or will you be with me the whole way,

holding my hand and steering which way,

because we're too good for radio.

... I should have just let it go,

a long long time ago.

Drawing upon a breath which fades into grey, seeing something so clear being washed away.

The piano keys repeat, the hands on the clock tick and move,

but nothing ever changes,

it's the same thing over and over.

Repeating.

Repeating what is good, what is enlightening,

treating you like someone who needs reminding,

because they don't think you're good enough.

I wish I saw what was good in me, like you did;

Maybe then I wouldn't be so unhappy?

Instead I'm sad,

that someone like you likes me,

I feel like i've tricked you,

I feel like you're going to be sorry.

This is my life, repeating.

Through washed up waves and

falling down broken balconies,

I've died over and over.

Were they not dreams,

but reality?
I saw what it was like to lose loved ones,

merely pages in a book-

But I wished they were more,

so that I could learn to love like I didn't before.

And instead I just asked for the same miserable existence...

... repeating.

To think even farther, beyond beauty

And to swim,
I learned to dream,
I learned to drown.

When i fell down,
Did you keep talking to me through the darkness,
To make sure i was alright?

I knew where we were going.
Without a destination,
I would have let go.

But now im free to tell you all,
Every moment spent longing for the perfect kiss,
Listening to the perfect song,
Do you think ill be alright?

Leave me, then.

But if unlike what i think,
If your answer is no,
Then stay by my side and tell me everything will be okay.
Ill believe you,
You dont have to tell me how.

Why do people care about me

I asked my friend, she is so beautiful, which is why I cannot understand how this answer came from her.
From her when I asked, who is she:

--------------
I am floating on an iceberg in the middle of the arctic and i'm wearing a pair of jeans and a parka.
I am sitting on this iceberg with my knees tucked under my chest and my arms wrapped around my shins.
And i am looking at the sky-
... I am crying.

And I am crying, because,
I am more alone than I have ever been in my entire life,
but I don't feel lonely at all.

Because, even in the frozen wasteland,
I am still part of the world.
That I can still feel lucky to be a part of it.

Dreams are poetic inspiration

You can't be real,
you're everything perfect.
If all my friends are flora and you are a manifestation of all that is good-

I know now why you don't exist.
Everything about you cannot be something,
because you are so impractical and this is what makes you beautiful.

So instead I'll still dream of you.

She's so beautiful until you realize that

in the blink of an eye all of this can be gone from me.

That you appreciate her until you realize

she isn't going to be there forever.

-That she is perfect in every way,

until she can break your heart,

and that your best friend was the one standing in your way.

... How could she do that to you?

Then you understand,

that it was for once not you,

but me.

That I had been untrue to my beliefs,

trying to make you happy,

trying to make you stay,

when all you really wanted was to go far, far, away.

That's why you marry someone,

because she won't leave you when things turn down,

she won't turn around and abandon this,

for this is everything you had hoped would make you happy.

A relationship unlike any other.

Taking the time to catch up on a broken trail

We're taken away by what doesn't last and told so many times that we'd been going too fast,

for had I not seen what were coming toward me,

maybe I'd have moved out of the way-

I dont think you realize that it's better this way.

To blah and bohl,
is to babble.
To treat death the same way we do life,
is dishonourable.
I think perhaps we think too much about the past and give no credit to the future.

Because you are beautiful,
and you don't want to waste that on a dark misery like me.

My friend,
she is like my tulip.
My good friend too,
she is always upside down.
My third friend,
she is short, funny, and a little strange, but I enjoy her company.
My fourth friend, oh merry me,
she is the sun that never drops, she is happiness on the horizon.

I keep trying to spend so much time with the people I left behind,
because maybe, just maybe,
This can change their perception that they have of my mind,
and they won't see something so black or grey,
but maybe brighter and hopefully I can brighten their day.