God dammit.

I'm trying to think of it in a way that makes sense,
that some wounds are hindered by weakened wills,
and that a few well-wielded words can work wonders.


So I hoped I guess to shed light on some withstanding wrongs with
warm words, in a cold, creepy, sorta way.

If you tell me everything will be okay then I'll believe you, you don't have to tell me HOW.

Would you hold me so I'd never be afraid?

As the sky falls down,

would we be the last two to fall down?

These questions are the price of admission,

and the price is right.

Standing in luminescent fire,

the cost of one ticket to the ride of your life;

It's your life.

Till the time she stood up and drove away

She can say
whatever she's going to say,
who knows what she'll say?

Don't take me tongue Tied

I can't get that song out of my head;

"don't take me, tonguetied,

don't take me, good bye,

take me to your best friend's house"

I like this.

It makes me smile and grimace at the actual world,

unafraid of what awful futures await me,

I have received the grace of knowledge and I accept this future.

Maybe we should all just learn to be taken.

Untitled changes [8]

What does a title do but confuse you?
What does it do but hide what's new and different in the world.


I'm waiting for that someone,
even if they can't see that I've changed;
they really take the breath out of me.
That people could be like that,
I'm always dreaming,
wondering if this is love or a dream upon a dream.
A dream to take me away from a reality I don't to believe is true.


Does the light lie to me too?
Hiding what's true by changing its rays of light,
to cover up somethings that I don't want to see?


I guess it's just a dream, then,
cause I'll have no one to ask,
but until then you can be my honey.
And may I be Winnie The Pooh?

This is me before anything has begun

I am a [0], a nothing,

a nobody, an insignificant spec.

I am the spec on the earth which is a spec in the universe,

do we really exist at all, if we mean so little in the grand scheme of things?

Compare me to everything else,

belittle me and drive me into the ground,

make sure I never stand up again,

because I don't want to live on this planet anymore.

Not when there are people like you.

You make me feel so special.

Dreams are the tears of your heart

Sparked the stirred,
I'm sick of your face.


This is an unfortunate parting of ways,
haven't I just met you?

The years behind me will be a bore and a waste of my time,
but I will always remember meeting you.
And I would regret if i never said anything,
so i can only say it here in the kingdom of my blog,
inside a fort,
I'm safe, alone forever.


So lower the drawbridge and scream out loud,
because unless you do then I'll leave you to the alligators,
and nothing will change if you're proud.
It's the dirty stretch of your life that will make you suffer,
for the people closest too you will forget that you liked their best friend,
and you will no longer be cool in your own right. It will be a mystery.

Shattered down in 30 seconds or less

i was so high, swaying from side to side,
not knowing what would happen to move me next.


That's when the beat dropped and brought me back,
I see it here, it doesnt let me have anything to say,
she pins her finger on my lip and tells me to sit,
she's going to play I don't have to tangle up the strings that make her puppet work.


I bet i'm addicted to all kinds of escape and
i take it out on you because i'm so alone,
look lady;
i'm so hopeless I'm suicidal daily,
cause I don't have the energy left for this relationship.


Her stress rejuvenates my breath,
it gives me hope that she still has something to live for,
she won't ignore me, give me the evil eye,
because she realizes I'm the only man who acknowledges her existence;
that's what happens when people think you're an unobtainable beauty,
you get left alone and your game is boring.
So you prey on others who don't have the blessing you do,
and you play them like a card game,
left to chance but you don't realize they won't go down without a fight,
so thats how it happens up in here,
I've had it with your shit now get up and disappear-


wait. I guess I was wrong.
since I'm still in this friendship.
A friendship never was a relationship, you're right.
I guess I took a little too much,
should have just waited a few years.
My fault for taking your cigarette.

I didn't make the mistakes right the first time

I let you go,

I let you stay that way for another day,

because I didn't quit giving up on you.

There's something special about how simple you are,

how much you can appreciate the things I hate about you.

And I mean you don't.

You're too simple to see it,

You are happy knowing nothing but what you want to.

You can't even see

what's a part of me.

So you realize face down to the ground,

that fear is near and this one night will make you see here what's gone.

Once upon a dream,

this was a part of me,

but now you won't even try to realize,

because you're happy with those lies.

Let me kill the villain,

it's you.

Stop staring as my eyes glare straight at your heart,

I won't even try to make you realize that this is me.

What is the hope that we have ridden ourselves of?

There's nothing left, really.
Cleaning up is like starting again,
except you get to work backwards and see your mistakes as you do it.

I guess this is why I never reflect upon my mistakes,
because I'm too busy making new ones and leaving the old ones behind for others to clean up.
That's why the dirt stains my hands and my feet,
leaving me sore and broken,
because I am someone else's problem.

I wish I hadn't stood so close to the edge,
living in the center of the sun,
because even if I'd told you what it was like,
you wouldn't understand the pain it caused me to live each day.
I burned too hot and lived too young,
I felt around in the white light for something to hang on to,
because I thought that I needed someone to pull me out.
Then I realized that I was at the center of the universe;
people looked  to me.

... So I stood up and got together,
told my thoughts to go away,
cleaned my slate and bought a new pen,
then wrote what I felt so that you could read.
I spoke to the page what I needed you to hear,
even though you will never read it.

Maybe the sun doesn't burn at all,
Maybe it stares at us from it's place in the sky
because we want it to.
And because we wouldn't know what to do if one day it decided not to.
This is why you see me every day.
Because if I didn't then something would be wrong.
And in your world,
everything is okay.

My love, she is like a river.

Rolling along,
ignoring the cries of man and chance-
You can't keep her from moving on
but if you get down,
really get down,
down,
then
maybe 
you 
could
tell
that
girl
"how much I love your brain."
Suffer her with the burden of pretending she cares,
that you love her smile, her voice, her brain.

-that she doesn't have to be everything mainstream,
because what she is, is good.
And beautiful,
as mere exposure can only do
something great about a mystery.

I finally understand it,
the secret is mine.

...

....

.....

Too bad it's not a formula you can change,
just something you can understand.

This is how she works.

You're honestly in Love

But let me tell you a hurtful truth,
one you may not want to hear.

Y
 o
  u
     all lose in love.
You
       a
        l
         l
          lose in love.
You all
            l
             o
              s
               e
                 in love.
You all lose 
                   i
                    n
                      love.
You all lose in
                      l
                       o
                        v
                         e.


How we wanted it to be...
But now I'll never see you again.


Supposed to be,
Did not happen,
This is struggling to get out of a coma.
The boy you know is Dead-ead-ad-d-d-dd......


We just wanted to live so you'd remember me,
Now you're never going to be here again,
You checked out-
And tell me what I once would have wanted to hear from you,
because I am now the one in charge.
I've run from the keeper,
I've escaped from its recursive spell-
Unlike regular people, the people you know,
I no longer feel the need to fall in love.
And so you come to me like I am your god,
because it is actually you who just wants someone to listen.

Honestly, I've been begging for answers...

As I run I start to breathe.

And what's left of this paragraph,

The words are nearly over now-

     Now being here near the ocean,

     There's proof that you exist in more than just my dreams;

     I could stand here for hours just to ask you that question,

     But I start to think everyone here is make believe.

... So now I've turned around and I'm running away.

Away from you,

I'll be desperately waiting alone in the dark.

While you think of the world as it could have been,

I'll find another man who you can love instead of me.

Waiting for proof that this sunset is just a silhouette dream.

And we climbed so fast

... Before we let go at the top.




And we fly,


As we fall-


Hold my hand through it all.




If we built something out of nothing would we break it or will we never find out at all?
Is this what I meant to you,
when everything I said to you came out sounding so very small.
As the sky falls down around us now,
Tell me everything will be okay.
I'll believe you,
You don't have to tell me how.


And then we can cry while looking up at the shards of glass,
because we'll be safe.
Untouched by it all,
Scratched up and bullied,
You will take care of me, I'll be fine.
That is-
.... Until I fall back down.

Closed by Desire

But without it, where would I be?
Would I drown under,
or am I blindfolded by desire?


I'm at home now-
So now I never have to leave.
I've been bad so I'll never explore...
I am yours now, so You never have to leave.


----

Loo loo surprise

A hello I say goodbye.
I love you, sorry for saying. Hello.
We're all gonna be 19 one day;
Lets love one. Day.

You hate me for everything, don't you?

I wish I wasnt such an inconvenience,
I wish the things I said were more logical,
I wish I wasn't the one thing that could ruin your life.
I wish everything wasnt going so right for you,
I wish there was less for me to break of your heart
I wish I wasnt so useless, I wish I guess, that you noticed me like I notice you. I wish death wasnt as inportant, I wish I could just hide away and be loved by you. But this is impossible. So I will hide alone.

Beautiful, you are to me

Climbing up that mountain,

I sat and enjoyed the trees.

I wanted to see the life that surrounded me,

hiding behind bushes and branches that act as shroud-

This isn't my mystery,

I'm your friend-

But you don't want to see that,

am I too upset by the world to be your somebody?

Then fine, I'll sit. And cry. And let you say your last word.

Goodbye.

...

But then I cry.

I break down.

I've never cried before, not really.

I can''t stand here watching you walk away,

because you hate me,

not because you love him.

The steps in my feet count to the things that matter most,

your heartbeat.

seeing how I can't be without anything but you,

do you mean the same thing I mean,

when we follow the trail unseen,

because we feel each other's rhythm pushing us forward?

It's the power of distance that drives us forward,

in a cardinal direction related to each other.

I wish You could see this with me,

I wish I was there,

to set you free,

or maybe it's the belief that you don't have to be.

Because you don't need me.

So maybe you're with someone else,

but I will keep fighting for what I believe.

So this is now why I feel angry, not grief-

because I promised something to you and myself,

and watching me letting you to go away is breaking that promise to myself.

Then fine.

I'll wipe my eyes,

I'll wipe the defeat with soot and mask your victory,

because I can't give up something I never loved.

Instead I've lost what may have been the greatest victory of my life.

I wish you'd have given me a chance to love you before you pushed me away.

And let my castle sink into the grey unknown,

falling from grace is her majesty.

Me.

Titles mean nothing to us under these big blue stars

Underneath the big dipper,
we gathered stars;
we took off both our slippers,
and sank into the water.


We met a man who told us what we needed,
he gave us direction.
Then we swam and we found,
hold my hand through it all-
If we jump into the water,
would we swim or would we drown?
If we build a set of wings then could we be fly,
or just fall down?
And if you keep talking to me,
maybe the darkness throughout this night will be alright.


There we were without a map,
without a path,
without a destination.
We knew where we were going.
I carried you there on my back,
so that you could see the ground below us,
before you let go;
And we fly,
and we fall.
Hold my hand,
through it all.


And if-
If you keep talking to me through this darkness,
through my life,
I'll be alright.

The things we once understood

Did you see it how I saw it?
Or did you miss it by a mile?

We didnt cross bridges,
We didnt climb mountains.
And Im fine with that.

Because Im in love with a bitch named misery

An extended metaphor

Close your eyes and enjoy it.
Feel it burn,
You payed for this.

It's tight, constricting;
Doesnt it feel good?
Doesnt it make you wish you could have this every moment of every day?

You could have this right before you sleep,
Help relieve some of the stresses of your every day.
It's something different from the ordinary.

People think it's cool to do it,
They brag.
You do it cause it's fun,
You like having it in your hand,
It makes you feel in control.

Watch the faces of people twist and frown when you talk about it.
Youre smoking a cigarette.

I took it for granted

Mistakes I've made,
I never learned from.
I got mad.

And yet you were there for me,
why didn't I say "I'm sorry"?
Was I selfish?
I don't think so, for I still love you.
Maybe I just fell too far from the truth,
landing in a hole that I've dug for myself my hole life.

Overnight,
I realized.
Throughout the day,
I was taught my none other than yourself.
And you didn't have to say a thing.

It's a beautiful thing,
your voice.
It's a horrible truth,
your sheltered life.
And I take what I have for granted.

So laugh with me,
at all the stupid things.
Stand with me,
as we watch it all burn.
And maybe-
Maybe then,
We can grow as people as we understand that nothing else matters.

Nothing but the things that will never last.

Writing to a mask called sober regret

Empty plates fill our stomaches,
The consequences are everywhere.

Trying to set things right,
We trip in the shadow of a beast,
While standing on the shoulders of giants.

What is this mystery,
What is it that you think of me?

Let's enjoy what little time we have left,
Give me your hand and ill give you mine.
Ignore the cuts;
Scars dont disappear over time.

Turning the tides in a sea which doesn't fight back

Groups of houses,
Row on row,
Staring back at you, didnt you know?
The house you grew up in,
At the lower income part of town;
It still loves you every day
For hours upon hours,
For houses don't move.
But people do.
Love seen not felt is not worth giving;
Hurting the ones who matter most.
Me.

Tonight is a good night.

The stars are shining bright,
And the moon stands guard like overwatch.

I see clearly now.
My thoughts stand before me row in row,
And I realize now that not a thing in the world can bother me.

I am free.
The branches watch as I shudder under them,
They give me hope and I see the faded lines of grey that mark their baggy eyes.
The knots they have untangle mine,
I am no longer nervous.
This is the air I breathe, they act through me.
I am the messenger of a new age,
Tomorrow will be beautiful.

And as we ride the sun over the hills that watch our backs,
We realize that there is a sudden dawn,
A new horizon,
A brand new canvas for our beautiful portraits.

So why do you stand at the edge of darkness,
When you're standing so close to fire, that you feel it's warmth burning your skin-
I feel misery, watching,
I only feel like I can see when I have closed my eyes.
This is the truth and you know it,
But you won't believe it.

Dance with me.
Frolic in what little daylight we have left to spend,
Because the good things come when we least expect them.

Enjoy life, Enjoy it with me, Enjoy the simplicity of it all.
Before we forget it.

We stood at the edge of gladness and well being.

And yet we chose to jump to the bottom.


Did it hurt?
Not that it matters.
But it did.


Left to drown in tears of sorrow,
High strung and mighty at the school's great big talent show.
And even number of unfair pairings.


You climbed up to the top,
I had just gotten down to the bottom.

Pick my heavy heart off of the Floor-

I'm alone in a crowded room,
Have you ever seen nothing true,
left wondering whether this is how you're supposed to feel in this gloom,
or whether trouble is still going to brew?


I'm here with you,
but I feel stuck still in the corner,
detract and unafraid of what I knew,
glad that I was a stoner.


Cause now I could pretend you didn't exist, that I couldn't see,
Since you were never cool enough to just let me be.
I had to change to please you... This is why you and me
Never would really work since you only saw your way, my way was something you just couldn't see.