Lose the Disguise

Release me from your spell.

I haven't a clue what I'll do, but I know I will be safe,
for I no longer reside in the kingdom of death and boredom.

The bricks that lay before me crack and crumble,
but my honour remains noble and my guilt remains  nonexistent.

For I have done what I needed to do,
I led the horses to water and left them there.

In ten years time I won't regret the things I've done,
but I will long for the things that I haven't-
I will lay somber in the sun for all the opportunities missed.

When the sun sets on the blackness of my heart,
I will show you the warmth of my love and my passion.

You're never going to wake up from your life of doing nothing

Are you sorry you never got to say hello?

Or do you regret saying goodbye?

No choice is made without second thought,

no chance to take back what had been done.

We uncover the lies that we tell ourselves in the dark of the night,

peeling away the flesh that hides our souls.

I've got a skeleton inside my body,

A ghost of who I used to be.

Oh no, we were lovers,

Oh no, you were my friend.

You showed me no pity,

even at the end-

I do not regret anything.

Something I missed doing, because I was busy doing nothing.

Followed a friend on tumblr;

Turns out it's kinda cool.

But still not for me.

And I found good music,

something I can listen to, when I need to escape from reality.

I still can't tell her I like her,

but when has it ever been easy?

I suppose I'm trying too hard,

I should just play the hand I'm dealt.

Life is nothing but a screenplay,

and I am the lines given to me in my script.

I am the chalice into which you pour out your soul,

the lyric that gets left behind on the empty page.

Forget I said anything,

For you clearly do not care-

    I'm sorry I even liked you.

Let us fly like fools on a mountaintop,

Let us dream the wishes that our hearts desire.

My life is the missing puzzle piece.

This simple thing.

We're living everyday with not a thought in the world.

Not wondering what we do not know,

because of how afraid that would make us.

We stare across the sea of thoughts,
looking into our hearts,
wanting to see each other cry.

Our happiness is just an illusion caused by the world,
giving the impression of free thought, and free will.
We all realize one day, that the world doesn't spin,
we learn that when we die, we learn that when we finally stop running around in circles.

I never considered the little things in life,
because you never cared for my ideas, and you were my wife.

I wanted my life to have a happy ending,
and instead I learned to cherish every moment,
because death comes so suddenly,
because sometimes you just want to die.

The drinks help you swallow the lies,
the ones they feed to kill you inside.
Your tears are measured in days, not weeks,
in hours, not days,
because when you cry you grow young again-
You see the world as a big open space,
somewhere you'll never see your place in.

If I stood at the top and fell to the bottom,
who would catch me there?
Would he have a bottle filled with my favourite tunes,
would she sing me a happy song?
Pouring out wisdom, not strength,
would she carry me back to the top,
would he give me extend his broken arm?

I am not a man of wise words.
I haven't spent enough time in darkness to see the light,
but I have eaten the fruit of wisdom,
so now I understand how the world is full of blight.

If I forget the little things,
the little people,
who am I?

I'll be gone,
You'll be away,
We'll be stuck far from each other,
Simply wasting away.

Two seas stretch as far as an ocean,
It's all the same when
a boat has four seats.
Who do you take with you on your journey?
Do you decide on your deathbed?

A moan is a sign of weakness,
a cry is a shout for help-
A thought is nothing but an act of defiance,
and my heart is nothing but a broken dream.

What's a genius without his idea,
what more can you take away;
aren't we all just people,
waiting for that one day?...
... when the little things no longer matter,
and every man is equal.

Until then we'll all stand by,
crossing our fingers, watching the sky,
looking down at the earth and wondering why,
nobody understands us deep down inside.

Draft

We're living the everyday with not a thought in the World .

Some things I never said.

I want to die.

I want you to take it all from me,
to take me away from the pain and misery.

You see,
Nobody cares, like they should.
Nobody understands that some people don't want to live.

That I awoke to a beautiful day and saw no joy in the sunrise,
that I could not smile at this true beauty... was I not determined to die?

Take me away,
lead me from this suffering-
I want to be saved from this wasteland.
My life is nothing but a prison sentence,
chains that are shackled to nothing but the weight of the world.

That friend who understood my sacrifice,
who knew me from the start.
Why are you so cold,
why don't you understand my now blackened heart?

And you,
fuck you.
I trusted you,
I listened.
But I was right;
everybody only looks out for number one, right?

Give me a gun, and I will use it.
Give me a blade, and I will end it.

I want to die.

Youth fading.

These days, this time, I feel nothing.

I've cried inside, I'm numb to everything.

I wake up feeling no enthusiasm,
I go to sleep wishing I would not wake up.

There is no cure for my disease,
not drinking, smoking, or singing a sad song.
The problem is life.

I've grown tired of trying to fight something unfair,
The world is how it is, and I am the problem.
It cannot be changed, and I will not conform to it.
I refuse to wear a smile and live each waking hour,
when every second I die a little more inside.

I am starting to feel cold,
I don't think I'd need to kill myself even if I wanted to;
I might not see the next sunrise.

Every once in a while...

We slow down and see how the world spins round.

You don't understand that I'm done with it,
I've moved on, you were the beat my heart skipped.

I gave up trying to impress you,
and you still think I'm going to come back for you in the rain.

Go grab your own umbrella,
Pull on your own sleeve when you fall,
My shadow is my own and you can follow someone else.

I was taught to never give up,
but you rattled my cage and left my morals blowing in the wind;
Grab hold of your self and fight for yourself.

Now I love her, not you,
The past won't keep me warm,
so I won't look back-
     You are not alone.
     I Just Don't care.

-2011/10/17

Stealing Sleep

Why do I wake myself up early on Saturdays?


Edit: Because I like to play StarCraft.

Your post, not mine

My mistakes, over time,

do you ever feel the blame is all mine?

I should approach things right,

I never know how effective this must be-

The trials ruin me from the inside out,

I'm rotting and my feet are cold. I can't feel it anymore.

Where was the signal that this was the end?

You're gone now,

Erased from my mind.

Here we stand,

here we sing,

blowing in the wind.