Tuesday, 31 December 2013
Guilty with myself
Monday, 2 December 2013
Coming home
Thursday, 21 November 2013
He sleeps alone tonight
Wednesday, 20 November 2013
Philosophy is man expressing curiosity
Wednesday, 13 November 2013
Burned flames should never reignite
Monday, 4 November 2013
Wrong side of the sidewalk
Thursday, 31 October 2013
No man better articulates
Wednesday, 30 October 2013
You don't smile anymore, you've forgotten how.
Tuesday, 15 October 2013
All the greed, all the lust
It's seeping in,
I can't keep it out,
I'm trying to hold this door closed,
Trying to keep my eyes barred,
Afraid to turn my back to the fear,
Letting the tears on my face hide my shame,
I am a part of this.
Whether I like it or not.
Monday, 14 October 2013
Smell the roses, the blood that stains them
Growing up in the shadow of doubt has left me broken and hopeless,
Fear taking form in my feelings,
Sticking to my brain and beating me at all the games I play,
I'm scared, running.
But as I run out of breath,
I try to find comfort in what I know,
And overcome by my blood-stained past I'm brittle, weak,
Terrified of what everyone will think,
I'm hardly a scholar of my profession,
Really just trying to keep walking,
I say goodbye to my love,
This is the end.
My sight's on love
With one big sigh everything is let go,
In one wave I let you know,
That I've seen you right through you,
And I can't hide anymore.
Knowing you has brought me down,
The truth is weighing on my chest heavilly,
Making me want to throw it all down.
And maybe one day I will reach the conclusion...
Someday.
Thursday, 10 October 2013
Don't leave me
Cowardice hid us in the corner,
Shame angered us when you tried to help.
Who will be the light,
When daylight doesn't come?
Tomorrow is guaranteed,
Yet I feel unsure of what will happen to me,
Unable to tell you for sure,
If I want to sleep tonight,
And wake up tomorrow,
Instead if falling asleep for good.
Thursday, 3 October 2013
The cup is half full
I've waited so long to come home to you
To create an illusion of suspense
Or rather, disbelief.
Numbers aren't adding up in the books though,
Prayers have gone missing
Dreams seem to be becoming more and more real.
If this is a real place,
It's just another place I dont belong
Placing bets at an empty table.
Wednesday, 2 October 2013
Love is wanting to stay the night
So desperate I would crawl,
Crimes commited out of lust for the things I wanted.
Looking through filtered lenses,
Blind to everyone following me.
Out of breath from running,
Only really wanting to stay.
Webs of lies and personalities
No greater satisfaction than exposing the truth
Cause now I'm falling too fast for comfort
Since the simplest truths are unbelievable to you
What I know does with me
And I haven't touched enough people to be missed
Sunday, 29 September 2013
Let it come completely
In that sound of silence
I learned what an empty house I was living in
That everyone hated each other
And that's what we'd always be
But with you I don't feel quite so alone
In the light of your smile
I forget the sad little boy my youth
And instead look to what I could be
Tired from the affairs
Singing lonely sounds
Many things forgotten
Like why I fell in love in the first place.
Saturday, 28 September 2013
P1
living in a world
where smiles are all around,
how could i not want to capture it?
curiosity got the better of me,
while happiness got the better of you,
you're a face with no name but i wanted to remember it,
that's why i took it for my own.
it's a picture,
not a crime,
over in a brief second,
a momentary click,
you are my centerpiece,
both on paper and in my heart,
as the woman from the moment i want to remember,
forever.
Wednesday, 25 September 2013
Raise me up to drop my call
A game of twisted fate,
Hearts and tables turned over,
Closed for the night
Taking all the time you need
To shun away the world.
Tuesday, 24 September 2013
Hate is spiting out of our mouths
The ones that stop them from beating,
Causing tears to start running from this broken home,
To a place where we long for the warmth of love,
Lying restless in the corner,
Trying to fall asleep without closing my eyes for the last time.
Forcing such unhapy thoughts into my hands,
Holding my head under the waters of doubt,
Drowning helplessly.
I thought beautiful people only brought the happiness shown on tv,
All I'm seeing for is sadness.
Monday, 23 September 2013
Broken clocks and forgotten hearts
Thursday, 19 September 2013
Love's so hard to find when someone's on your mind
I couldn't make her understand that I'm her man,
I just wasn't the one she was looking for.
And yet,
With broken hearts we persevered,
To find beings with equally broken hearts,
So that we may settle for a life less meaningless.
Tuesday, 17 September 2013
As winter fills our hearts
So does our fear of the dark.
The unknown fog makes us scared,
Long, lonely, nights for which we're unprepared.
But we've got hope.
There's always star-lit skies to help me find my way,
As we pray that maybe we're not really so alone,
Cause people are always looking for us.
Find your map,
Draw the line.
This is no time for a nap,
Keep going and you'll be fine.
Please come find me,
I've been lost for eternity.
Thursday, 12 September 2013
Drawn out arguments
Tuesday, 10 September 2013
Destinations
Sunday, 8 September 2013
I want to be true
Is it love that you want
Or just someone to pamper?
Do you enjoy being the sun
Do you want me to be your moon,
We'll never see each other-
But maybe that's what you want?
This way we never work,
I want to be true,
Since that's you,
I could never give that,
I could never love you.
At least not the way you define it.
Friday, 30 August 2013
This hell isn't your own
I can tell you that that's untrue.
Because every day since you've left me,
I've thought less and less of you.
And though our bodies are close to one another,
Our hearts are far apart.
Sit tight and listen close,
The ride is about to begin.
Now that the games are over,
The story actually starts to unfold.
And while you thought you were the main character,
The truth will now be told.
Monday, 12 August 2013
Trusting and not believing
Consistently thinking of new ways to entertain ourselves,
Isn't it fucking liberating?
Aren't you ashamed to think that we believed there was nothing more to life than death?
Yet how strange it is to be anything at all,
In the eyes of those who deceived you,
Should you care at all?
Have you heard of that new band,
The one I didn't tell you about,
But how I'd expected you to read my mind,
Funny joke,
Our relationship is guessing games,
And I'm not the luckiest player of these luck-based games.
Saturday, 10 August 2013
How strange it is
Without fear,
Because of how certain we may be,
Of things that are yet to be.
If you didn't even listen,
Not because you wanted to but because you couldn't,
I wouldn't blame you.
As long as you went forth unafraid,
With the stride of eventful vindication,
All intents and purposes,
I would be happy for you.
And had she known what it would take to throw me out,
It's good that she's decided not to let me back in,
Because I would just turn her away,
My own mother.
So here we come,
The chicken denying the egg it came from,
Existing without an egg;
Consumed by the fear that it may be inevitable.
Friday, 9 August 2013
Shooting 33mm film
The feelings were the same every time and I couldn't help but wonder,
Did I want it to take however many takes it took,
Or did you take what you could,
Because I was willing to let you re-take it time and time again.
Robbers of things that have no value
before we dwell on the bad things,
because that's not what I want,
but it is what was in the safe when I opened it-
The safe hidden away in your heart.
We keep our files clenched so tight in our fists,
because they're not just secrets.
They're Our secrets.
And we are possessive creatures,
full of humility,
full of doubt.
But what would we be without a little bit of faith?
I was born to endure this kind of drift,
even if I wasn't exactly blessed with patience.
I'm not holding back,
it's just strength that I lack,
the strength to pass through this storm without jealousy.
Wednesday, 7 August 2013
No punctuation dance
Lets dance
As If it were easy for me
Maybe lead me
So that I may learn
Gracefully
Let me work
At being better
Because its all a matter of memorization
Spinning
From moving so fast
Lets just talk about the steps
Monday, 5 August 2013
Before he fell asleep
And the sleep was no longer as enjoyable.
Because he knew that when he awoke in the morning,
There would be no recollection of the thoughts he had before he fell asleep.
He enjoyed the chase,
The forgettable moments that would go on to live with his heart forever.
His life to others was a waking dream,
Perfect and unimaginable,
But to him very manageable,
Until he fell in love.
Because not passion,
Not that mere infatuation,
Love.
Feelings unportrayed,
Because he could not share his dream with someone who may have understood him.
Because it was the tale of his life,
Waking memories in a wandering state,
Right before the moment of silent sleep,
Knowing that he'll forget how to express these feelings in the morning.
Masked wanderer
Sitting,
Fooating,
Laying,
Drifting,
Resting,
Wandering,
I am on an iceberg,
Alone.
Why nobody comes to rescue me,
I don't know.
Maybe because I don't need saving,
I am meant to be here,
Like this,
Alone.
But I wouldn't wholeheartedly agree.
A friend would be nice,
Or better yet, someone who knows me.
Because what's better than our arguments,
To help pass the time?
In one fell swoop
I cut off the heads of those who opposed me,
I was the king of several kingdoms,
And no one stood to oppose me.
However,
As an observer to the great atrocities,
I saw that I brought sadness to my people.
Because I wasn't meant to be loved,
But hated.
And I could do great things like that.
Saturday, 3 August 2013
Hardly a day for misfortune
Feet planted firmly on the ground like the head on my shoulders,
Ready to take what's coming at me.
Except for one thing,
Which seems to be everything,
And unable to accept that,
Because I probably deserved it.
It's hard to match,
Nothing comes close to equal,
And maybe the opinions of others don't change,
Because their opinions still ring true like the words they said to you,
All those years ago.
So this is hardly a day for misfortune,
But this day many years ago,
Was a day for second guessing and doubtful minds,
Without as much as a thought of wishful thinking.
I am glad I am here today to be another beautiful human being in the big machine,
But maybe I don't deserve to be, this could have ended so many years ago.
Thursday, 1 August 2013
I should apologize, but I cannot.
Destined to offend,
Worried that I will,
But seemingly unconcerned;
This must be why you think so poorly of me.
Hardly a character suffering from misfortune,
There would be plenty of adjectives to describe me in a story,
Maybe none as pleasant as mine for you,
But said warmly;
A mutual hostility. An oxymoron?
Born privileged and into faith,
But grown out of it from trials of broken hearts,
There would be nothing more appropriate
Than to sit him down and have a nice long chat;
Even if that's not something he's good at doing.
Because he's stuck in a world of third person,
Looking down at himself even if it doesn't look like it to you.
You say he's overly cautious, maybe.
Or just an asshole at times.
He probably just over-thinks things.
Tuesday, 30 July 2013
Believe your brilliant
Because you don't believe me when I say it.
Think you're perfect,
Because you won't believe it when I say it.
Think you're magnificent,
Because you can't believe I think it.
Think you're the best thing that's ever happened to me,
Because you may be.
And while that may be hard for you to believe,
I've only lived for so long,
And you make me so, incredibly, happy.
All your words will soon desert you
When everything I see reminds me of the shape of you,
I know that I'd stay with you.
I know that I want to say to you.
Confirming in my mind what I know to be true,
I know for sure, that I'm in love with you.
What would you say?
What would you do?
This is a definite sign of what we could be someday,
Playing in the park,
It will all be clear on a seesaw or a bridge,
Can you hear that rumbling sound in the distance?
We'd better run inside,
There is no time to be wasting any time,
Where do we go from here,
Unsure of what there is to say.
Maybe actions do speak louder than words-
Your hands in mine
I think the Beatles had it right.
That everything would be worth the fights,
Every little thing,
One single moment when I can touch you,
Is what life's living for,
I just want to hold your hand.
If I had to choose between blindness or stupidity,
I would be at a loss.
Because if I couldn't see your beauty then I would have shot myself in the foot.
And if I was so ignorant that I could not appreciate your beauty,
What a hopeless fool I would be.
You have stolen all my senses,
There are no defenses left for me to deny.
Friday, 26 July 2013
To take no pride in moving against the tide
Not water,
But people,
The waves of faces,
The sea of emotions,
Crammed into one lifetime.
And when we're running
We're too busy to look back,
But once we've stopped,
We turn around with heavy hearts,
Breathing as hard as our hearts pound,
Wanting to get out,
Further away,
But inside of us all the same.
Detours, and reading maps in the dark
My tired eyes are shut
And I can see without a doubt that
I can't take it anymore.
Whether we can,
I don't know.
These dreams I have,
Asleep in this city,
Even when the sun wakes up,
I open my eyes and light my candles,
To see in the dark.
Times will change like the seasons,
These candles will burn long before that,
But you and I will last.
I found my light,
And although we can't find each other to talk much anymore,
I walk north.
Not to isolate myself further,
But because now you know how to get there too;
And now you'll know where to find me.
Thursday, 25 July 2013
Sing a song with me
And your thoughts are unheard of,
In the dead sea of white noise,
Interrupting my brainwaves constantly.
Labelled as a lyric,
Read like a verse,
Sung like a hymn,
I am not a storybook.
But yet you find me so predictable,
Readable,
Mouldable,
I am disappointed with my inability to be refreshing and fun.
Perhaps that's why I always sing the same old songs,
Because it's the simple things which make me smile,
Like seeing you smile,
Or hearing you stifle a song.
Tuesday, 23 July 2013
Holding out,
All on the line,
Stripped and battered,
Compensating for trying to hide,
Night-blind with the lights on,
If anything ever actually goes as you planned,
You can run and retrace your steps,
But otherwise it's a flop.
And in an instant you know,
That probably this was all your fault,
Please stand strong,
It could always be worse.
How many times I say that seeming ndescending,
But trust me when I tell myself that more than anyone else.
Monday, 22 July 2013
Where were you?
Its hard and weird not to know how your day begins,
I can't imagine lying here with anyone but you.
When with you I feel like nothing in this world
But you can shake my bones,
Then you tell me I'm just a part of yours
And that you're already in his world,
Twisting more knots in my heart.
I'm not in control,
But don't my screams move you,
Or will it remain that everyone knows but you.
I've got the most to lose,
Especially if I can't be myself and keep you too-
Give me a moment to recalibrate,
I don't think I'd ever be enough,
But I'm praying for your freedom cause your mind seems imprisoned.
If you pressured then I'm on the same page,
And I need a minute to hold your hand,
To tell you the truth,
That I feel more alive when I'm with you;
Thank you for making me who I am when I'm with you, I never could have been this without you.
Saturday, 20 July 2013
New content
It's not a try-and-buy,
It's a leap of faith.
Or maybe more of a hop.
You don't know how much it will cost you,
You know it won't be cheap.
But you've got a credit card.
The price of admission may be a little steep,
The thrill might not be worth it.
And now you've got to try it.
But now you have it.
And unlike the things you threw away before,
This one you want to keep.
It's everything you ever wanted and more.
Creatures in the night
The root of our deepest fears,
Planting the seed of imagination,
That's what scares us.
Because we like to be certain,
Even though I am nothing without imagination,
I wish my thoughts would live without me;
The woman my thoughts were about are hiding from me,
Because of the fear that it brought me.
And I still keep my baby thoughts beside me,
Like the nightstand I sleep beside,
Like my mother's jewelry.
Because although neither are here anymore,
They remind me of who I was and I have to keep up with that.
Whether I get cold feet,
Or in my old age forget my own name,
These events are destined to be things I want to give everything to,
No matter how superficial the things,
Or significant, like my mother's death.
I am just a civilian,
A walker of flat plains,
But with that comes mystery,
Because I ultimately make the decisions of what I will take and what I will let pass,
Since I am the creator of my own destiny.
So when the future looks dark and scary,
Like the creatures in the night of my imagination,
I stand vigilant,
Like a postcard;
And image, not a living memory,
I am unshakable.
Thursday, 18 July 2013
And when the hammer falls
Not completely squished,
But not completely avoided either,
Leaving something like a pinky toe behind to get crushed under the weight of this unstoppable force.
And this pains us.
Because we aren't immune to hurt,
We are squishy,
With warm insides,
And cold outsides,
To protect us from broken hearts;
And if we can distance us from getting close to others,
Maybe we can avoid the broken bones as well,
But then we find ourselves alone.
And I miss the company of others.
Wednesday, 17 July 2013
There's a rule that I have to follow
falls drop by drop upon the hearts of our friends and lovers,
until in our own despair,
we crumble,
and our shame taints the core of our human being.
But.
With love,
Compassion,
and Wisdom for one another,
the feeling of justice and peace guaranteed prevails,
lasting forever,
deep within the hearts of those who believed.
Because for endless days we left the lights on in our houses,
afraid of the things that go bump in the dark,
but more afraid of the things which may lurk in our own homes,
and although you already know that what you see isn't always what you get,
You've gone.
You're gone.
So throw me out to play in the rain,
In the devil's playground,
Because I'm still reminded regardless how much the simplest things like this would have made you smile.
A creeping night
Trapped by my phobias,
Possessed by anxiety,
Seeing doubt portrayed as entities,
Falling short of goals and priorities.
I have my mother's dreams,
I have my father's eyes,
No night can take that away from me,
You can try-
Help is always close,
On the way,
Just one call in front of you,
One step behind me.
I'm singing myself a soothing lullaby,
Alone in this dark night,
Does anyone care?
Nobody to hold my hand,
But also nobody to see,
How much it hurts when I close my eyes and
See the same burn as when you walked in the room for the first time.
I still remember that first night we met,
Can you sit through these tears?
You prefer fact to magic,
Said you had to leave these talks for work,
I stayed waiting,
Anticipating and pacing,
But that was the last I'd heard.
Maybe I didn't write these words to be heard,
I just needed to go out at night to know that I tried,
And I'd spend it dancing all night,
If all you were looking for was a laugh.
My expense is the cost of admission,
So take me away and let's start another fire tonight,
So that I may sit one step closer to you,
Trying to keep you warm and keep the fire alive at the same time.
Because we wouldn't have to leave this campsite if you didn't want to,
But you'll get sick of here one day, just like you're sick of home.
Tuesday, 16 July 2013
Has the seed of possibility been planted?
Or should he die,
That's his choice.
And only time will tell.
Is he in a lot of pain?
Because you never asked,
I'll tell you.
He is.
And when that phone of yours rings in your pocket,
Should you take it?
Or should you put it on hold and continue to plaster that fake smile all over your face?
Only you can make the decision,
And you will have to live with the consequences.
But the millions of people stuck in their lives,
Stuck in routines,
No form of struggle is routine anymore,
We're in a state of chaos.
Nobody knows how to express themselves anymore,
And I'm another clone.
Sunday, 14 July 2013
If you're ever hurt or scared
Then come and find me.
She said.
And when she left, I was mad at her for lying.
But now that she's gone I remember what she told me.
And when I feel lost or scared, I go to her.
Because there's one place I can always find her.
Her grave.
Mother.
Thursday, 11 July 2013
Three steps sideways, one step back
You never come back to where you started,
You're always a little bit back.
Sure you learned a thing or two,
But what time you spent learning, you now find yourself displaced sideways.
Much like the weather,
We can't predict the future,
But because we can hope,
We can be sure that we change the unwritten future as well.
Eh, she said.
Because nothing more worthwhile was worth saying.
And in that very moment,
He was content with just looking.
But then of course somebody had to ask what he was looking at,
And he replied with nothing.
The lesson of the story is unforgettable,
Unknowable,
And unmistakable.
That he shouldn't have given into temptation,
And instead should have lied about his emotions,
To not only himself but to you,
Is what was asked of him.
And he did not comply.
If we fell to our knees every time we turned around and walked away from our problems,
The only thing left in our lives would be guilt,
Not epiphany.
And I don't think you'll ever see the same blue I see,
Especially since my eyes are always locked on you when you're looking up at the stars.
I talk too much
It's probably my way of breaking up the silence
Which fills up my heart.
Cause I have too much time
To collect and discover my own flaws
But that's for me to ponder, hopefully for you to accept.
Without my ability to talk,
I'm left with the sight and touch which forever leaves me longing,
Unable to express appreciation,
Even after everything I love is taken away from me.
And when I realize that something's gotten a hold of my heart,
In a way I did not intend,
I hide away in a corner.
Maybe you'll find me,
Hopefully soon,
Or I'll sit here on top of the world,
Invisible.
Wednesday, 10 July 2013
Really, delicate. Really, unfortunate. Really, ungrateful.
Because I never gave it a second thought,
It's my fault?
That I told you how I felt but being turned down,
Then being shamed for not telling you what was on my mind,
Was all my fault?
How foolish of me,
To think that faults and fingers could be pushed around,
Cause the only thing being pushed around is me.
And when words are abused,
It leaves our hearts with answered questions and nothing but doubt,
But yeah,
That's also my fault.
Moving in front of me like a sea of disaster
Monday, 8 July 2013
Cause I've forgotten how to say
That I miss you.
That ill return despite your lies and mischief,
That the leak in your concrete persona gives away how you feel about me but
That I'd never tell you how much I love you,
That there's nothing I could say to make you feel the same way.
Friday, 5 July 2013
Something far from what you've said
And maybe someday I'll be somewhere,
Talking as if you knew me,
Only if you could trust what it is you'd hear,
You'll remember that I said I'd be here for you,
Even if you don't think of me, I would think of you,
And saying that I wish we were here,
In arms reach,
Not so far away,
Like it's become,
Because next time it happens, if it continues this way,
I'll scream with my lungs for my heart who remains silent,
But aching like the feet of mine, who would traverse this earth to escape a house falling apart,
To hopefully save you from yours,
And if you find yourself in a ghost town,
At least I would be there to try and make it feel more alive,
Bringing out the sun to warm your cold hands,
Since you refuse to hold them in mine anymore, even if it means you're slowly freezing,
It seems you've forgotten what I said,
And instead you feel the need to belong in a place that doesn't want you,
Hiding from the faces who spew hurtful words to defile you,
But you treat them with a kind heart and plenty of smiles,
Because you like the games, the heartache,
Plenty of mistakes on my end, but you're not free from blame,
You created this prison,
So it's a part of you,
Even if you're not the one in it.
Thursday, 4 July 2013
To be beautiful
Wednesday, 3 July 2013
My thoughts are like a fan caught in the wind
Once it gets going it spins and it spins,
But which way does it face?
Does it slow me down,
Or does it keep on pushing me further,
When all I want is to slow to a stop-
Words with which I hope to prove
But what a way it must be,
To complete this story.
To complete the way
That you so quietly misunderstand yourself,
I think if I had time to address the current issue,
I would say,
The downtime is necessary.
But remember that I know,
Remember that we weathered that storm together,
Without an umbrella,
You took my hand.
And while searching for better places,
I found that we could just sit on the ground,
Because you'll take me home,
I'll keep you warm.
There wasn't much choice in how I conquered adversity,
Especially since it was all imagined in my head.
Maybe I shouldn't expect too much,
Because you don't want me to.
Tomorrow's a brand new day,
Clear skies, I pray.
And if it rains,
Then throw me away, grab an umbrella.
Sunday, 30 June 2013
While all eyes are on you
I can take back all the things I never thought I'd have to take back,
And we can daydream about the same things,
Because there's never been a more appropriate time than now to look into the mirror and expect better things,
Not for myself,
But for you.
I never said that I wouldn't have to take what I said back,
But I did mean what I said to you.
So what does that make me?
But a fool?
A roaming facade who feels like a creep,
Saying its wrong to want more than a trick,
I'm onto you,
Yet she is happy.
Making a mess while she is smiling,
Hardly does a day go by without you trying to break down,
I guess we resort to vicious hypnosis,
Wanting nothing more than one beautifully sung song with you.
And that's on you.
Thursday, 27 June 2013
Inter spaced with memories so clear
We're all so far away and yet so near,
Protecting all the things that you hold dear.
Who will watch my actions now,
Who will catch me when I slip up,
Who's going to scream out when I lose face and don't look out?
Rather than finding out,
I'll march to my own tune,
Dance to no tune,
Sing out of tune,
And maybe I'll survive.
Alternative options,
Trying to keep everything clear,
but trying to get closer to you and your troubles;
under the streetlight,
As nothing more than a silhouette.
Wednesday, 26 June 2013
The sounds of feet on concrete
Like the sound of drums beating in our hearts, misunderstood like flickering lights, to be morse code for those of us lost in the dark.
People aren't out to harm you, honey.
They just look out for themselves,
But they'll come back for you if you cry out for help.
Litter lines these streets like worn out hearts and
Broken limousines,
Of parties once had and
Memories once seen.
Instead pictures help us reminisce,
Remember,
Repicture,
Because we're helpless to time,
Which makes us forget.
When you see yourself in a crowded room
Waiting and fading and floating,
Trying to count the ways that you haven't decided,
Wondering why you haven't made up your mind,
Not really sure.
Yes and no,
The sweeter dreams are out of reach,
And I'm a child once again,
Making a splash in a dream filled fantasy,
Where serpentine swim and make you feel like you're drowning.
If this beat was any stronger,
I could close my eyes and be pushed away from it,
Hopefully toward you,
And call it what you want,
These are my ideas,
Locked up in thought,
Hiding my bruises from you, my enemies.
Tuesday, 25 June 2013
I'm not leading you astray
But nor am I following the righteous path,
Its just a step around.
Driving over bridges,
Its funny to think,
There's nothing but air under our feet.
Cause tires can go flat,
But who's going back?
I'll pump it with my own two hands and feet.
When we reach a red light,
And I tell you to turn right,
I'm not completely sure I'm not wrong.
But if you're looking for a fight,
Don't say it's alright,
Stop the car and let's talk it out.
And if worst comes to worst,
If things aren't getting better,
Then you go first and let me catch up.
With solid grouns under me and air under you,
Who's more likely to get their head stuck in the clouds?
Monday, 24 June 2013
This ain't it
Than just this shit,
Has now quickly become out of hand
Not what is supposed to make me cry
Not what's supposed to break my heart in the dead of night.
But every time I feel pushed further into sadder and sadder songs.
But small successes make us feel like the victors of insurmountable battles,
So here we go.
Because that's what the armor is for,
We're knights of virtue,
And we just want to sing a sad, sad, song.
Sunday, 23 June 2013
Locating a Venue to continue our transactions
In the eyes of the deceiver,
This may be misconstrued or conveyed poorly,
And what better way to taunt temptation than to toe the line and play games in it's face?
If you've ever had a favourite toy,
And if that object of which to you, represented happiness, was taken away,
Would you ever get over it?
The simple answer is yes.
But there's always another side to the story,
Despite what you want me to think,
Despite what I want you to think,
This lesson would be forever enduring,
And would shape my being indefinitely.
So perhaps we should continue these transactions
At a different venue,
On a different date,
But not so long gone that it never happens.
Because I can't wait to see you again.
And I've got an addictive personality.
Tuesday, 18 June 2013
Dropping out of Engagements
Although damage may be minimal,
Is there any reason I should be visiting the jeweler?
Where's the scale that shows
The visible spectrum to which I may be a rarity,
Cause people are telling me things I don't know whether to believe or not.
And they go home tonight,
To share a drink and hopefully not fight,
But instead we're laying outside and watching the stars spin above our heads.
This trip on the highway
Is scarier than I'd thought,
And I'm sorry.
Always under her skin,
They go out tonight,
Driving to nowhere.
Sunday, 16 June 2013
Bumps, bruises, and broken hearts
Thursday, 13 June 2013
Classic Poetry
If you'd have me back,
To a time when simpler things were written,
Not said.
For the things I lack,
Missing from personality,
You could fill my person with happiness,
And not from fantasy, but reality.
Because this is classical poetry,
Not form fitting and even less so structured,
But misunderstood and to be interpreted individually,
To bring out a deeper, hidden meaning.
And if promises made were always kept,
Then you should be expecting great writing,
But what I am writing is simple,
And sometimes we forget that simple things can be complicated.
The war is over
Guns drawn but holstered,
Eyes wide then shut,
Stray bullets putting us in harm's way.
When will this war end?
I'm standing at the edge of a war torn battlefield,
Looking out at men who don't know how to feel,
Because we've lost our friends along the way,
And should we be glad they left this way?
For an end result so great,
Did the world deserve a sacrifice like this,
Losing a hero to save people undeserving,
Losing dignity to save rotten humanity-
What war has ended,
But the war outside our hearts,
And now we hate the men who forced our friends to die for us.
Monday, 10 June 2013
Look up at the sky
And make a wish about tomorrow
They can't outshine how I feel about you
That you hold my hand inside of yours
And you tell me things so that ill believe you are to me my poetry
I know where you are
Even though you try to keep your heart so far apart
It could just be us for miles
But this memory will always be a pictured scene I keep inside of me
Let me be together with you.
Saturday, 8 June 2013
Push comes to shove
Thursday, 6 June 2013
I'm quick to fall in love that's why I'm always on the ground
So I've got to pick myself up.
And not with a pick-me-up,
But by growing to see the change in my life.
By winning the battles inside,
Overcoming change in my life.
Not just sweeping it under the rug,
But by learning to swim during the flood,
And when dreams start talking to me I have to
Reach higher, until I've lifted myself out of daydream and into real life.
Anxieties hold on me has manifested itself in my broken bottles,
With dizzy vision I see straight,
Its the arena where I fight,
Off balance,
But surefooted.
Leap off great heights to discover that people live here in the depths as well.
You always had it better,
Giving it away to hopefully experience something greater.
But who knows?
Maybe now you'll find love .
As easily offended as I may be
For a fault you had no desire to obtain,
and for a truth you did not want to know.
So having accepted my imperfections,
as easily offended as I may be,
At least I'm enjoying myself, being myself.
Wednesday, 5 June 2013
Who knew that kind souls lurked in dark corners
Afraid of daylight,
Because the meanest people are unafraid.
We sulk in misery,
Because we've given all our energy to please the ones who matter most to us.
And maybe it's a mistake.
Because don't we deserve happiness as well?
One thing's for sure.
What I would give to open my door and see your smiling face.
I'm suddenly hopeful whenever you're in sight,
Whisper your name at night.
Whatever you need,
If you should ask it of me,
To make you feel complete.
But would you do the same for me?
Until I know for sure,
Until I know what to say,
I'll pause at hello,
And away from the light I'll stay.
It feels so peculiar,
It feels so strange,
And at the same time this emptiness makes me feel complete.
And to round it all off
A lump in my throat that I just can't swallow.
My arm sinks, numb.
My heart slows, calm.
What did I see,
That made me appreciate wonder again?
Not kindness,
Not selflessness,
But apathy.
Indifference.
She is her own person;
Strong-willed yet frivolous,
Silly yet ingenious,
Joking yet serious.
And I am constantly inspired to be more like this.
Tuesday, 4 June 2013
What these kids are hauling around
They feel stuck in a canyon,
But maybe they're the mountaintops,
Unable to see any higher,
Because their friends are hugging them so tightly,
They have nothing to test them,
No trials to push them further than they've ever been pushed before.
Never really sure,
Always treated like a warrior,
Their battles are victories or defeats,
When do we get to leave and chill,
On this hill in the neighborhood,
Nothing to you,
But to me, my mountaintop.
We're kids in this neighborhood block,
Carrying all of our troubles in the sacks over our shoulders,
Weighed down with heavy hearts,
But free flying through youth with lighthearted laughter,
And love.
Always loving,
Forgetting pain, heartbreak.
And falling back into love, remembering love.
Dreaming wide awake
And you're having the best dream of your life.
Full of love,
Hungry for more,
Tired of ordinary life,
Dreaming of greatness,
Seeing the painted stars,
Awoken by the faces of people you know.
And every waking moment is spent exhausting ourselves back to sleep.
Friday, 31 May 2013
I'm tired, and hungry
Glazed eyes, she looked at nothing.
She asked a question.
It didn't make sense.
But did she care?
Probably not.
She is the product of creation,
Holder of knowledge,
She understands that a question isn't a question if nobody is listening.
She throws caution to the wind.
She inspires art,
She knows beauty.
Even if she doesn't think the image of herself is beautiful.
Thursday, 30 May 2013
Reach deep, further into those empty pockets
I may not have money, but I've got heart.
Shouldn't that be enough to keep this from falling apart?
There's change rattling in the ghost town of my heart,
So vacant,
Wondering where it all went,
Now it's all my fault.
Not because I scared you away,
But because I'm the only one left to blame.
And you're the only one I want.
If I told you everything is old and creaking,
Wouldn't you come back?
Not even to help me destroy the home we used to grow in?
Burning all these bridges,
I'm left with nothing but extreme dissatisfaction.
And should I repent,
Try to hold what's left of this bridge up on my shoulders?
Or should I give it up in a beautiful goodbye,
Like pulling the trigger with your eyes closed.
Wednesday, 29 May 2013
Your hand in mine
I reach for you.
And I think it's not satisfactory to want what I cannot have,
To me,
I am that animal who searches tirelessly for water and does not sleep,
because survival is necessary.
And shouldn't love be?
Why is it such a commodity,
that we spend at the expense of happiness,
especially the happiness of others?
Mustn't you know,
that a heart doesn't die when it is hurt,
but the beat sure does slow down,
to ease the pain of constant sorrow.
Trying to forget may be the single most selfish act of loving,
because you've given up a chance to experience something beautiful.
"If you truly love, you would be able to let go."
How about no.
Because you should fight for what you want most,
especially if it feels like a once in lifetime opportunity.
But I can only imagine being in this situation,
I can only hope for the day when perhaps,
we can stand-
Your hand in mine.
Tuesday, 28 May 2013
Doubles, not singles
on a trip down a road, driving out in the dark
in headlights,
coming across objects very far apart.
making it very clear that we don't need to stop, ever.
and not because of the mistakes I've made,
but because ill never find the truth in my mother's eyes.
and it makes it clear that the issues of mine are present;
right now, right here.
simplified.
all my plans,
compromised.
sacrificed.
right now, right here.
There's grass that grows greener than the stuff on the other side
what I can want,
without actually being tempted to cross to the other side.
And while I stand here,
completely unafraid of temptation,
you stand there,
making me want to see more.
Would I feel like I'm treading water in an open sea,
to try and get to the place that I want to be,
which is there-
with you,
while I'm stuck on the other shore,
with the consequences of waiting here bore deep down in my heart.
Saturday, 25 May 2013
Pray for the stars and the weather
Cause I can tell it's going to be another one of those black days.
And blowing in, are the garrisons of soldiers-
I call them hope.
Rolling in infront of the thunderstorms are the tanks. Unshakeable, impenetrable-
I call them doubt.
And who will win, man or machine?
I don't know.
I say why not both.
But some people laugh at this,
Because why start a war over just another black day, no matter how grim.
Won't tomorrow be better?
Is it a mistake to not grow old knowledgeable?
Thursday, 23 May 2013
Please, be false that you've seen this.
for the sake of mutilation,
for the sake of preserving the peace,
for the sake of preventing indecency in the eyes of what may or may not be dear to you,
Or dear to me.
For there are few things in my life that I have wished would last forever,
And regret is not one of them.
And neither is shame.
And never would I wish for success at the expense of others.
For I have learned through error that forgiveness is paramount.
And who would I be to deny you that.
Not a man,
Not a king,
Not a god,
And definitely not someone you should aspire to love as I do you.
Tuesday, 21 May 2013
Entities Enticing Enticingly
but all of our successes come at the expenses of other's failures.
Do we live with the guilt,
knowing that we inflicted pain unto others,
sundering the happiness from their arms,
to give it up later and blame it on misfortune?
Or do we rise above the cratered ground,
over the ashes of our fallen allies,
who we believed to be foes?
There is no understanding of guilt greater than the shame once we've felt it.
So are feelings greater than the pleasure of aesthetic?
I say we are driven by emotion. By a static force which is unbeknownst to us,
an unknown enigma, wrapped in gooey bacon.
Tempting, alluring, but constantly fearful of what I have not known,
for what I have not known is the greatest cause for what I have not done.
I wish to live a fuller life,
but not one full of disappointment and doubt.
Sunday, 14 April 2013
stealing hearts as a pasttime
subtract my age from the mileage on my beating heart,
to recount the years of ache,
spent on you.
thinking about you
makes me feel quite blue,
and the sunset couldn't come quicker at all.
detours ahead,
turn left,
get sunk in a pothole,
get left for dead.
Sunday, 7 April 2013
where do i go but here
but damn I feel helpless and so unrelentless
I wish I could fight for your love and affection,
but there's nothing here for you to want or for you to connect with,
I'm sad and alone,
but safe in my home,
a hole in the ground is where I want to go
so please o please tell me
you're offended,
because nothing I see makes me see just how restless
I make you and make you,
please try to understand,
but everything I say makes you feel stuck in quicksand-
there's darkness and faces
so mean and disgusted,
by everything i say and think,
I'm just so helpless,
it's sad to think that I was once not so helpless,
but caught up in thoughts of suicide has made me careless and restless
there's one place i want to go
and that place is home,
the home where i know i belong,
where that is i do not know,
but please point your finger,
so you can be done with me,
because nothing is standing,
except you so close to me...
i love you, i love you,
i miss you all the same,
i don't care what i think,
as long as you're still sane.
there's lower-case letters,
and a cease and desist,
but my heart is aching,
no joy to resist.
im sorry.
Tuesday, 2 April 2013
you're never going to get my love
because you don't want me.
I'm simple.
you're so blue.
the grass beneath my feet gives me security.
the years ahead of you give you worry.
and when I'm sad, I'm happy.
I've never seen you happy, because I'm always sad.
its a strange love that we have,
but one sided love shouldn't count at all.
ill buy you flowers until you realize who you are.
outrageous.
not so courageous.
contagious, your laugh.
and obnoxious,
your nagging.
but together,
beautiful.
so get your shit together,
and be complete.
Thursday, 21 March 2013
Something I never understood
I was alone.
And when I was there,
forever in the dark,
You know who held the light?
You.
Because I had the candle,
you had the spark.
&
After the earthquake,
You didn't come back.
To our broken home, to my broken heart.
And I'm sitting here wondering where you went,
Completely in the Dark.
The few still standing
Depressing,
Gradually falling,
until finally
Failing.
And if failing is hitting the ground, no matter how fucking hard you hit it,
then I would take that over a broken heart any day.
Because after the tears have been wiped away,
There's no one to help pick up the pieces of your broken heart.
Only you.
Tuesday, 12 March 2013
To this day
Sunday, 17 February 2013
Hurt is understood and heard
was
...
...
... coming at me,
coming from you,
hoping to hurt,
intending to be heard.
And last.
...
...
...
To me, coming from you,
Everything I heard was enough to hurt.
And not more than I deserved.
Thursday, 7 February 2013
The pieces coming all Together.
combing your hair,
holding you here,
because I'm jealous.
Jealous that the guy you probably like,
is someone that every guy wants to be.
Everyone wants to be a part of your life,
Or at least that's how I see it.
Maybe I'm wrong and I'm the only one you can see,
or maybe there's someone out there that you hope will look at you,
Not through.
But whatever you believe,
we're as blind as those people who so soundly sleep,
wool pulled over our eyes like sheep...
And you only know how I really feel
from what I say when I'm talking in my sleep.
But it's not her. It's me.
So to myself:
Watch out.
Every time there's a new step you have to look out for,
To keep you distracted from breaking down and thinking why:
Why you can't see her looking at you.
Why you just can't believe that it could be you.
Why shes the only thing you talk about in your sleep.
Wednesday, 6 February 2013
It's nice to know where you will be
... so suddenly.
So?
The home in our hearts is farthest apart when we're closest to home-
The leading me on that you're doing,
The truth my friend's don't know,
The hurt I'm feeling because I miss them.
I don't want to love with you anymore,
I don't want to frown anymore,
I don't want to waste anymore time,
I don't want to love you.
And if this doesn't kill me,
Then this emptiness inside of me will.
Monday, 4 February 2013
To those who may be listening:
You may be on your way.
This isn't a caravan,
No circus freaks,
Not even treasures from the Orient.
Just the memory of a man,
One who may still be missing on the inside.
And when you find him,
Can you tell him how to get home?
Because I think he's lost.
And I'm worried for him,
for Her.
Thursday, 24 January 2013
Find me a place where the wind never blows.
so I may be alone to my thoughts under the trees,
ill never love you again.
when I met you,
you were the only song I'd ever wanted to sing,
now I can't see any other place I'd want to be.
and left here,
in this crowded city...
I want to know how I've deserved this.
Wednesday, 23 January 2013
Don't bargain when you're weak
but you've made a mistake.
Because I'm not coming for you,
The chariot does not come to the white knight,
I have not yet crossed the mountain before you,
and soon it will be dawn.
I'm not your vindication,
I'm the crack in your voice,
The soft, unending suffering.
But You.
You're my one and only.
If I try to forget you,
I just miss you more.
And since we've parted ways,
it was probably my fault. I see that.
Stubbornly, I'm waiting though.
Waiting for You.
And this is no mistake.
Because I see clearly now,
through enigmatic clouds and forshadowed suffering;
You're my one and only.
Why can't I replace you,
more and more I'm finding the will to try-
..maybe I was wrong?
..maybe I felt weak.
No.
While it's nice to know,
where you will be,
who you will talk to,
what you'll be thinking, saying,
It's no longer my concern.
So thank you.
And may my hat come off to you.
I think I loved you at one point or another.
Saturday, 12 January 2013
Grey Matter
Inside of me is a dark, evitative spool.
Drawn with pen,
Struck with emotion,
I am choking on tears I never knew I had.
And I don't want to live on this Earth anymore,
I don't want to die with people like this.
Instead-
Take me to the moon,
so that I can die at peace,
suffocating in the vacuum of space.
Silently, Peacefully, with purpose and conviction. That is how I want to die.
I want to die suffering,
but through the suffering of my own choosing,
not in a world, where I may be associated wrongly with such filth as this.