Moments spent in Heaven

Can't prepare us for what's next,
You don't see that I'm not ready for this;
Set me free and send me
far away from everything hurtful.
Tell me to go away from You.

We didn't fall down straight,
Did you know that?
Or was it a flight which never left the ground,
Your eyes closed to see the colours of my fear surrounding you-
This fuels the emptiness of your life. It's sadistic.
It's gross.
You're a fucking mess.

Then I stop.
.... and listen.
To myself,
To everyone around me.
This is a misery,
bound in chains labelled by distress and indescribable euphoria,
we love to see you cry.
But I just wish you loved me.

And so,
These wrists are slit like the scars that reside deeper than skin,
Tossing and turning like the waves of my mediocre existence,
Now you see me,
Now you don't.

Sucked away, drained,
This is what you deserve.
Can you ask for any less?
Sure you can. And you do.
"Change, Please."

To those who enjoy the draining moments of happiness

We believe in something greater than a mere happiness,
we want something we can hold onto.


I wish the moments held onto the people we loved lasted forever,
I wish we didn't have to say goodbye,
I wish people weren't disposable like lines of film.


You stood for something greater,
You stood at the edge of darkness and provided me with light.


Do you understand now,
Do you see what I see?

Or are you stuck,
Or is it simply out of reach-


Yes.
Yes.
Yes.


Repeating lines to gain deeper acceptance of the truth,
Repeating the truth, do you see now how I see things?


This is how it is.
This is how I wish it could be.
This is how I wish it could be forever.


I wish you knew I loved you.
I wish this were truth.


Instead, I fall back upon nothing but lies,
I fall down on a tower which was built upon the grounds of false things and untrue misery,
I'm left to wallow in the despair of my untruths.
I stand.
I fall.
I bring myself back up.
And you are there.
Leave me alone,
Please.

The sound of an insatiable hunger

Did you hear my plea?
It sounded something like an undesirable thing,
the kind of idea that gets buried or washed away under the weight of enormous doubt;
these are the sparks that get drowned out by the hands of  those who don't want us to be extraordinary.

I wish you could have heard me then,
all the things that I'd said, and meant,
The kind of dream that you don't really remember,
because it's too good to be true.

So life, lift me up.
Take me by my feet and drag me to where I belong,
because you know better than I do where that is.
Or are you just another bully on the playground,
who thinks they know what's best for everyone but themselves?

Theres nothing like a funeral to make you alive.

I know something you dont know some things that you wont.

Just open your eyes and see that life is beautiful .

A conversation.

The sky.

It's falling down in beautiful mystery,

like our drowning content.

Can you see me standing here,

being covered by the flakes which cover my scars?

Or is the white blinding the things you don't want to see,

Hiding you in plain view from me.

It's where I look,

Making sure I hold onto the things I know.

The ground.

Do you understand ?

There is a face beneath this mask,
but it is not me.
I am no more that face than the muscles beneath it,
or the bones beneath them.

Do you see what I see?

They told me that im no good

You make me better;
Ive become better than you.

You taught me lesson,
This must be whats best for me.

Im senseless, defenceless,
Im a fool for you-

I used to be fine
But now I've got a fever and it's you.

Im caught in this spell,
I think im over you.
Change my mind maybe,
Or im done calling you baby.

Name poem

A name starts a conversation,
The spark that burns fond relations.
But my name, is a name unoriginal,
A name,  which is soon forgotten.
I wish my name was twice as bright,
Even if that meant I'd burn only half as long.
You wouldn't know from a name like mine,
If I was bold, serious, silly, or shy.
I wish you could tell like you can tell the time,
But names are reused, replaced, unlike moments that last and define.
I have a name that means nothing to the ears of a stranger.
My name is whatever you want it to be.

Some day we will Fly across the Painted Sky

Some day in blazing fury, we will fly across the painted sky
and we will find tomorrow.
Sitting innocent under the blood-stained sun,
we will watch and absorb the hatred that has followed us for a century.
Seeping through the weight of a lifetime, misery and truth,
we will learn what it means to lose everything.

And without the ones we love,
without the things we need,
could we be happy?
Or would it just be one big Holiday?

No matter, really,
the presence of your presents will keep me company.
And I will see a beautiful sunset,
one which we can hold our hands at-
one which our hearts will remember forever.
And we will stay there, talking about the things that never last.

Then because you are near, I will see clearly.
Burned so hot from the rising sun my eyes will glaze as glass,
I'll see past everything immaterial, and the sun will be my mirror.
I will look back at us standing there,
and my hand in yours will keep you warm.
... Only if you'd have me.

But if my glass eyes are too ugly for your sight,
plastic hips too frail for your exuberant youth,
or my thin fingers too unsightful for your beautiful hand,
then I will leave you. And you won't have to send me away.
But I can't say I won't love you anymore.

Because my blind eyes will paint you a beautiful skyline,
my disabled hips will carry you miles,
and those skeletal fingers will bear a ring under your name.
Till death do us part, they said.
And we disagreed on our definitions of death.
You killed our relationship and left me,
But as long as I still have breath I'll find strength from within me.
I'm that crazy for you.

Every opportunity once in a Lifetime

Today is the day that I sold my life away,

took every penny I dropped and told it to stay,

I had not a single care, not a single worry,

but the insignificant details really built up a story,

I was the control group of a mediocre experiment,

ruled and governed by no one in particular,

it is a fate, a destiny, a life of ruin,

I am the one who lost all purpose.

We took steps to ensure our safety,

we justified loss with reason,

we never mistook passion as logical thinking-

we were in  love.

Instead we fell stories and stooped low on branches,

we hung upside down in each other's arms and stood upon each other's shoulders,

we climbed cliffs and crumbled mountains,

we were the hidden valleys of happiness.

No longer did we stand upon the shoulders of giants,

we grew trees that portrayed our legacies.

The mistake was thinking we had made something of ourselves,

for we were nobody special,

we were lost causes with hopes and dreams,

ready to crumble at the slightest pressure.

You were my iron cross,

my maiden, my beacon,

But it all fell down when the roof gave way below our feet.

And we fell down, down, down.

Into the blackness of our revered past, 

Taking shadow as light and learning to see in the dark,

We became blind to our mistakes and our misfortunes,

we learned to love that which we did not have.

But not you, only me.

There was no we,

for I was something you did not mention,

Instead it was me mentioning you.

I loved you.

And while I held you up, you reached for greatness.

But when I was falling down you did not hold out your hand.

And that's how you lost me.

Or maybe you just gave me up for something better.

You had moved on to a higher ground, and I was bleeding from my open wounds.

They called it love.

I called it a beautiful malice. 

... Or at least that's what I call her.