Composting too many years of your life

Nothing good grows from the soil of your knowledge,
No product comes from the toil of your labour.

Undying,
Unending,
Unwanting of redemption.

Its better this way.

End

I sleep all day,
Just waiting for this day to end.

I hang my neck
Up in this line.

Stand up straight,
Pretend and put on this smile.

Smoke this cigarette,
Just one more time.

Kick the barrel
That you're standing on,
Tighten the rope
Until you're dead.

Take one deep breath,
Breathe one last time.

Live without love

Life without love
Is like
A bed without sleep,
Sheets unmoved.

It's like
Bulbs without power,
No light in the room,
Nobody can see your beautiful smile.

It's like
Cars without gas,
So much potential
But unable to reach its destination.

And when I avoid my excuses
By claiming that I didn't see anyone
To love,
I realized that I had fallen out of love
With myself.

See here, can you hear?

Resting just too far away for me to find you-
There's no way for me to prove that it
Wasn't me,
Isn't.

Hidden but still there,
You didn't vanish here like
You did from my life.
You are a shadow of my regret,
Hidden but still there.

Live and die, we're really just the same

Do you care about tea leaves for the flavour or are
You too stuck up with insignificant details?

Wasn't that our problem,
I wanted to tempt you with more
But you never gave me a chance to prove it-

Whatever way we go,
Ill remember how you drove me insane;
Maybe I miss it.

Because when we're together,
These are images of my own creation.
Once more into the war,
This time
Will it be beneath us?

You're more than I'd imagined would come in between.
and in truth,
Reality,
By chance,
I'm swimming.

You know the weight.
But you pushed me into the deep end.
Thanks for getting rid of the sand between my toes.

Because ill find solitude in my lungs,
Filled with the smoke
Of these water pipes and from
The ends of these burnt out cigarette butts.

One nerve remains,
The one that sets this fuse in motion,
The one that stops you from haunting me.
What do I need to say?

Not to get rid of you...
... but to forget you.

Sometimes I wait for the rain

Because they can hide the tears I cry,
So sick of trying.

I shout out
"I love you",
Just to hear what it would sound like.

And I fall.
Because who'll be there to pick me
Up?

Life is a fixed contest

Tryin to show up the best,
The worst,
And everything else in between.
... to make yourself feel better about being dead last to the party.
Blame no one but yourself,
You don't want to.
But everyone else does behind your back,
Why should you be left in the dark?
Scratch my back,
I'll scratch yours...
Except you're jumping into lava to help me,
Let's leave like a car out of gas;
It's impossible for you to win.
I miss the taste of coffee,
The taste of
A simple victory.

What are you doing? Crossing the sound device

Passing the noise onto my bleeding eyes,
Leaning closer towards the open door.

So loud,
So unspoken,
The thoughts in your head.

Broken glass,
Cherry on top,
Stand and feel the cold sink in.

You are way too much,
I need a moment.

Getting you deep, living in a dream

Meeting a friend,
Seeing my parents as adults, real people.

Trying things I never thought I'd try,
Holding power...
... so much that they wanted me to kill someone.

I cracked.
I ran.
I climbed things,
Gunshots trailing behind me.

Crying,
Knowing how this would end...
I climbed to the top.

And I jumped.
In the three minutes that I fell,
Do you know what song I sung in my head?
A happy one.

Do you remember this, and unknown throwback?

To an untitled problem,
For an untitled guest?

Because your house is empty now,
Cold,
Barren.

Is the person who sits there,
really you?

Or is this just another untitled...
...Mess?

A night of guns and violence

With something worth watching,
What's your reaction?

Just like you,
Just like me,

For how long?

How long must I wait,
Knowing something's wrong?

Our concrete hearts are beating,
Trying to make something broken come alive;

I'm here trying to rescue you.

Turn my head with talk of summertime

Sick of hearing you threaten to leave me
now and always,

promise me that all my dreams will come true;
That's all I've ever asked of you.

Too much,
I know,
but where can I hide?
If not in unreliable promises,
then gosh,
let my fears be far behind me,
since all I wanted was for you to be beside me,
To hold me and to hide me.

To share one love,
one lifetime,
saying you'll need me,
Wondering if we ever got payed,
to stay with the other.

Here we are, making excuses again

Is the volume high enough on this?
Can you hear me?

Or am I just echoes in the wind,
Again,
Lost to ears who do not care to listen.

In this chamber of echoes,
The air is damp,
Soft.
Outside, where the wind howls,
Here, it is silent.

Resting,
Finding peace.

I'm really only upset,
That I didn't finish cleaning the mess I made.

To make it to heaven I'd have to go through hell

I can't escape the devil,
been holding this stress for too long.

stopped learning what I should have when I was eight,
im not making shit up,
this is my real life so I can speak this shit.
you don't know how close to the top I am,
been ready for so long to fall back down.

So the engraving went like this;

Don't forget me, Please.
Don't forget I existed.

What's gone now,
Is temporary,
in the light of mere memory,
I am eternal.

I taught you,
That stays with you forever.
I fed you,
And now you have learned to feed others.
I held your hand,
And now you must show the way for your brothers, and sisters.

So I leave you this watch,
To make sure you're always on time,
For any appointment except death.

Read it,
Understand it.

"Remember me, Love, Mom."

Complimenting me, Not really.

Looking at the places we went wrong,
You're stuck.









Look at me,
I don't want to work with you,
I don't want to speak to you,
I don't want to stand here and take this.
Because relationships are give and take.
And I have nothing left to give you.

These spaces,
holes in memory,
are empty.
Cold.
I can't find the truth.
Is this hide and seek?
Because I'm not really trying to find answers,
I'm just waiting until it's over.

I know that I'm not all you wish I could be, but conditions don't exist in real love.

Whether that means this is not love,
Or whether that means you don't love me,
I don't know.
Or maybe this is love and we just have to see past what you don't like about me.

Party,
Drink,
Forget.

I wish You knew,
That to me,
This is love.

That I'm working for you,
That I'm dying to be with you,
That these sleepless nights are spent thinking of you.

I'm no knight,
But dear,
I would search the world,
every city,
Looking for you if you ran away because of this.

Looking down, Walking fast, No regrets with things undone

We're walking so fast,

Sometimes we forget to look to see where we need to turn.

Is this your house?

Is this your life?

Are you awake,

Or have you closed your eyes?

Here's a cake,

Take a bite,

but now you've forgotten to close your eyes.

The taste will fly by,

Leaving nothing behind,

But the stale crumbs and thoughts of suicide.

I hate this,

Because you're so tough,

Not you, cake,

But me,

Love.

Sad, if you do not know what love is,

Sad, if you do not know if you are in love,
Sad, if you do not know if love exists,
Sad, if you do not know if you believe in it.

Sad, because words hurt more than actions,
Sad, because words hurt more than guilt,
Sad, because words hurt more than everything you left behind,

Sad, because You thought that this was love.

You're kind of important, but I don't think I've met you yet

So who are you?
Are you friend,
Or are you foe?

Do you like who I am,
Or are you too tired to speak.

I like the way you laugh,
when you don't know what you're saying,
The way you smile when you know what I'm saying,
Because you understand that I don't smile often.

This is a beautiful sight to see.
I wish I could close my eyes and see this,
but I'm too blind because of what's in infront of me
    You.
Or is it me-
Am I looking into a mirror,
expecting you to be beside me,
holding my hand,
when you don't exist?

I'm forgetting myself,
Losing my memories,
I'm not even sure if they were mine to begin with.

Everything is grey now,
Not solid,
Liquid,
Not like they used to be,
I don't even know if I am happy anymore.

Squinting,
I can see.
But everything is blurry,
Try it.
Try with me,
because I am trying so hard.
I just need a push,
A step,
Something that will take me in the right direction.

What a miserable person, reading this

Had you nothing better to do,
than to mock me?

I don't understand,
I don't see,
I don't breath right anymore.

What waves did you sense,
when you left me for higher ground?
Was that instinct?
Or was that you knowing what would happen and you not telling me.

It's not a scheduled event,
but a constricted truth;
I don't know how to express my emotions in words anymore.

I don't know how to write anymore,
I used to read a lot,
I used to write a lot,
and now I can't even speak-
I can't form my thoughts into words,
coherently,
so that other people can understand me.

I'm sinking,
slowly falling inside out.

Help isn't close to us, but they say it's on the way

But what do they know?
Fools for love,
Singing songs while looking at their feet-
The world is a dark and dangerous place,
Yet you are convinced that we stand out of the gloom,
In a place above the clouds.
There is no bright side,
Only the truth of greed and selfishness;
We are awful people,
Still, we should make the most of everything.
She left a hole where your heart should be,
Can you stand tall or do you look tp heroes?

If this is my life,
Maybe I am scared,
Scared of the deep end.

Truely Pixelated Eyes

You,
Pouting lips,
Straight smooth hair,
Closed gaze averting eyelids,
Texting with baby sized fingers,
Wearing a shirt that says spiderman.

Baby,
So pretty,
Staring, not believing,
Closing your ears completely.

Because:
You are,
holding your face,
wanting to be heard.

Can you feel it in your bones? Is winter coming sooner this year, or is it just the wind from your door you forgot to close...

Bold,
Unsung,
Unsure,
Cowardly.

You are you,
Unchanging,
Unwilling,
Waiting for the sun.

Cold comes,
Creeping,
Rising,
Suffocating you.

Cowardly,
Scared,
Repenting,
Unafraid of death.

Where are we going? I have no idea.

I'm happy for someone who I don't really know,
Possibly because I don't know what to expect,
After giving my honest respect,
What if I find out they don't deserve it?

... Can you take back what can't be held, but felt?

There's a knot that can't be untied,
in the back of my throat,
which leads down to my heart-

If I asked you to help me,
would you untie it slowly,
or would you cut away,
cutting. Cutting. Cut.

I'm falling now,
Falling out of respect,
Wondering how you got so high in the first place.

Beautiful thing, you

Treating me differently,
I suppose.

Because you're beautiful,
Not me.

We're not so different,
You and I,
Except that I'm in love with you,
No matter what comes between us until we die.

What a refreshing breath of air, to breathe from this stale earth

Standing in the same places I've always been,
staring at the same sights I've always seen,
There's something new,
Do you see it?

You didn't know her name,
You didn't want to play this game,
but now it's a beautiful thing to feel once again.

I understand that you're nervous,
uncomfortable, uneasy.

But maybe you haven't gone so far,
to see that things aren't always so green on the other side.

The water's cold here,
Your heart is warm, dear,
Let me see what you have to say,
Inside.

What a refreshing breath of air,
you have given me;
I haven't smiled in so long,
but there's more to come, you'll see.

Simply put,
I think you're special.

Simply gone,
I miss you more than ever.

Enjoy the wait,
Build the suspense-
We haven't grown apart,
not yet;
And I hope we never have to.

I've been silent for too long

I've had nothing to say for a while now.

When there is nothing to be said,
why should I speak?

Wasting breath,
all for the sake of loving yourself.

I am not that man,
I have fallen out of love.

Spoke too many words to people who did not care,
Decided it wasn't worth trying any more.

Learned a lesson,
Didn't want to teach other people, too.

Find your own way.
I am not someone you should look up to.

I only want the Truth so we drink

to Youth.

Is there a spell that I am under,
keeping me from seeing the real things?
    Real lovers,
    Real lies,
    You're not really trying,
    Because you don't want this love to survive.

Found this thought

What I should do,
is put it all behind me.

I won't say it, but I'll think it.

I'll picture you,
because IT was a love story.
Because it WAS a love story.
BECAUSE it was a love story.
Because it was a LOVE story.

All you can do is tell it one more time,
and even if it did happen,
it didn't happen.
In the end,
It's about love and memory.

Ill kiss you over and over,

Until my lips say they're full.

Laying here in the grass,
Wondering not of our past,
Wed stay up all nights,
And work all days,
Talking into dim lights,
Trying to find new ways.

Because travel was fun,
The conversations, too.
But what i really loved,
Was being with you.

I'm so lonely, publishing the thoughts of my heart

Tears aren't meant to be sad,
except when you mean to be.

And I think,
waking up each day,
wanting to die,
because I'm so alone-

That's sad.

I can't get what it is that I've discovered,
maybe it's that I'm burying myself in doubt,
regret,
pain.

I don't know if it's true,
but I'm crying,
not just crying because I want to,
but because I have to.
I have nothing,
I see so much,
not mine.

This heart aches no more,
It doesn't want to beat along with everyone else.
It just wants to be alone.

Is everything alright,

Only broken in my mind?
Everything in your head,
Weighs me down like lead.
Everything you said...
Im not sure where it all went.
Maybe it remains around me,
Inside me,
Or maybe you made it all dead.

She's not even trying and she looks perfect

Tonight we drink to you,
we drink to youth.

I don't want to lose,
You.

Love hurts,
But sometimes it's a good hurt.
Lovers,
sink,
when love transcends the bad things.

You're naked and abused,
should I surface,
awaken from my dream?

Do you want my help,
or do you want me watching-
Is this what keeps you afloat and me in my submarine?

It feels like I'm a lie,
Instead of feeling alive-
This love is heartache,
trying me,
seeing if without love,
seeing if I'll survive.

Because without love I won't survive.

Trying so hard.

Lovers hurt,
and sometimes it makes me feel alive,
To know that without love I wouldn't feel this pain,
I am special,
because I only know this pain through love.

We only know what we see, really

My only goal is to see when I'm all alone.
It takes more than strength to fight this emptiness,
so I hold you close to my heart,
so you can hear it beating through every step.


I need to no army where I'm headed because I'll keep you close,
help me,
take me places higher than I could ever climb,
Alone.


You're always so alone,
you make me feel needing me,
please hold me close,
or I'll sleep alone;
You can't hurt me,
except when I'm alone,
it's too unjustified.


There are places in my mind,
in my head,
where I speak,
words that tell truth,
I've got one last chance to make some sense.
Sense to you.

No need to perform

Damage is minimal,
Stop that- Drop that-
Me? I'm going to keep on smiling.
You? You're going to need restyling.

Past times, lost times.

Run bird, it is your day.
Your day to shine,
The skies will be mine.

You have been given a label,
one to fly,
in the sky,
until you die.
And you are proving them wrong.

What if I told you that you were different?
Would you prove me wrong?
Would you stand up tall and do what's different from different,
in an act to be normal?

Or would it all be the same-
All the same because you are you.
Not different,
But You.

I don't get it,
I don't think you get it either.
You are just You.

So bird,
Run.
Hop.
Leap.
Stretch your wings and soar.
Because maybe flying just seems a little too daunting to be doing from the start.

That's upsetting

What a joke;

this isn't a simple display,

you're a mess.

A fucking mess.

But you're unaware,

ignorant,

bliss,

I don't understand-

How can people be this stupid.

.. Or maybe it's just me?

What a mess,

Oh, such a mess,

I don't want to be the one to have to clean it.

I'm leaving now,

If you insist,

and even if you don't,

I still will.

Because I'm sick of you,

I'm sick of humanity.

Intelligently designed flaws

Turning, Turning, Turning.
Little hill near Chernogorsk.
Somewhere in Chenarus.

You're drawn back,
trying to find salvation,
in a place where you will find none.

This is all according to schedule.
You aren't leaving any time soon.
Have you missed your train?
Was there ever one to begin with?
I'll never know,
You took my only map.
Now I'm sitting here,
Waiting.

Last fight, call in the cavalry

Bring everything,
Make the ground thunder,
You're walking into danger-
Are you ready?

Ready the cannons,
Load your muskets,
I fight for my country,
My one and only love.

Im now in the drivers seat,
Fighting strong for the only one,
I love you best.
We both know only one of us will make it out alive,
Should have seen this coming.

Its a slow dance with a name called danger,
Are you ready for it?

Do what you love because you're going to die anyways

Are you back,
back in love?

Looks like we're here again,
everything's the same.
The clock turns but nothing ever changes,
everything's the same.
What's the point in trying to go places when,
everything's the same?

Hello, sun,
let me share you with the world.
No,
come back,
don't go.
You may leave when I tell you so-

Until I have seen the end of the world,
Until I have seen the dark at the end of the tunnel,
Until I am satisfied.
When all is said and done,
Then you have my permission to say good bye.
Then you have my permission to die.

Colour the post Dark Olive Green

You can have it tomorrow when I go back or something,
take back this,
you won't need it anymore.


I threw it in the garbage,
you should do the same.
Or you might end up like me,
going through trash,
looking for hope,
in a place it doesn't belong.

Just Breathing

No names.
But I want to call out to you.

I want you to know that you are different,
since to you, I've never said that before.

You don't even know what I look like,
not really. My mistake.

I guess you're no different from the rest,
even though I wish that weren't true.

Like a mist in a valley,
you climbed out and left me there, alone.

Too bad I never brought myself to calling you,
I might have missed my only chance at having you, maybe.

Are you back?
Or is it just me, still waiting.

Weak in a beautiful way

The very thought of her brings the blood to my cheeks;

I'm embarrassed.

Not by her, but by the thought of loving her the way I do.

Hardened through love,

it's like the war I never had to fight,

because I'm just watching. Wanting.

And yet if she turns to me,

I'm broken down into a coward,

the one I never hoped to ever be.

And soon it's a jumble of nonsense,

spewing from my mouth,

like the slip of feet on frozen water.

For without bliss,

she would not be beautiful.

And with it,

I am weak in the most beautiful way.

What can you see, over the Horizon?

I had a poem,
but I lost it.
Like love,
it fell out of my pocket.

I went looking for it,
but it did not respond to my calls.
Maybe it didn't want to be shared?
Maybe it was sick of me.

And though I'll be fine without it,
I'm sick to my stomach that I lost it.
Because this always happens.
And it's always my fault.

At least it's reassuring to know that now, for sure,
there's not even a hope of you loving me.

"Hey Dood"

Waiting for the stars to shine,

I'm lying on my back in a field.

This is really happening,

It's not just words on a page.

I hate that you're taller than me,

but I'll never admit it.

Because it's kinda cute that you think something so simple is an accomplishment,

and I don't want to ruin that.

It's like seeing a child amused by something ridiculous,

and you don't want to ruin their fun.

I suppose you're a child, then.

One who always has to steal shotgun,

even when their best friend is riding in the backseat.

They don't talk the whole way,

because they're too busy being in the front seat.

You're raw,

powerful,

and definitive in your cause-

But I wish you'd just be docile and frail...

where is the fun when you take chivalry out of the picture?

You feel... less of a man.

But then all that frustration melts away.

Because of the white teeth in your perfect smile...

Your smile is huge. It almost seems wider than a normal smile,

but that's why it's the first thing I see when I come down to meet everyone at lunch by the pool,

I see that big darned smile of yours.

And it makes me happy.

But I suppose it's not just that;

I suppose I think of what that reminds me of too,

about you,

maybe.

That your smile come from your sense of humour,

good laughs, they were had.

There's more, definitely more,

but not that i can say.

Not until, another day.

A telephone call riddled with bullet holes to the heart

Ring, ring,
Telephone.

Cry me your sorrows because someone is calling.
You have the numbers.
I have the phone.
The cable in between us runs longer on and on.

Stretching round telephone poles,
under bridges,
over manholes,
I call you from far away,
so that if I get rejected then I can say:
Well thanks, I'm sorry, Guess this is goodbye.

Because then I'll be crying,
and I'll probably want to die.
But at least you won't hear me,
because I'll be so far away-
Is this what I wanted?
Or did I just want you to stay.

This is a journey, please let me be

I am red now,
let's just see-


if this is a journey,
then please let me be,
I'm going to go as far and as fast as I can,
let me document it here,
if I remember... 
waiting, I can't stand!


I probably won't even remember doing this,
I am having too much fun,
I'm a [0],
a hardly anything,
but it's been so long since we've been one.


So upset with my life,
so caught up in things that don't matter...
I wish I had had more time to enjoy with the ones that do.


What people want,
they feel lucky,
already it's kicked in and I'm at a [4] or more,
It's not luck,
it's the work of magic,
dontcha know.


I'm happy now,
can't you see?
It shows, in my writing!
Being like this treats me nicer than life,
I am kind to myself and I treat myself right.


My hands know what I want to say,
because they go to the keys to write words,
those words trying to speak from my heart,
they speak emotions.
And what is emotion, if not thought?
The truest thoughts of our being.


I will ride with you,
Ride with you to a castle unknown,
where I will go in,
trying to find your prince charming.
I will slay the dragon and rescue him for you,
because you are you.


Why would you,
so strong and feminine,
let yourself become a damsel in distress?
So no,
I know,
it would be your prince charming,
who needs rescuing.


And I will save him for you,
because that's what people do,
for people they care about,
no?
They do things for them.
And why would I,
a guy,
find your prince charming for you?
Because I became just your friend a long time ago,
didn't I?
I guess so.


I wish I could be pushed away,
to a land with clear skies and rolling clouds,
so that I could be away from all that is wonderful about you;
your in-comparability brings a sour taste to my mouth,
knowing that I will suffer for the rest of my life if I do not ask you-
and you, brain,
you know,
that you'll never ask her.

Good health starts with a happy heart

Thanks for putting this together,
You changed my mind,
Yet again.

This isn't a casual lie I tell myself to help me get by,
but it is an unquestioning step forward.
I guess you could call it a leap of faith.

When really,
it's self-humiliating actualization.
I learn more about myself than you realize,
more than I tell you,
so obviously more than you know.
  Because unlike me,
    You don't listen.
  Because unlike me,
     You don't really hear what I have to say.
  And unlike me,
     You don't think you're a sweet thing.

You can be a tree,
whether I like that or not,
because you will be happy.
And that's all I really ever wanted.

I hate saying sorry,
I've been saying it a lot,
this isn't a poem,
Is it?

What's my name?
Do you even know?
I don't think I've said it,
not once.

So listen,
  not to the words,
But really listen,
  to what I've said.

And then you'll know my name.
Only if you really care- Do you?

Stumbling, forgetting,

Tripping,
Falling.
We do these things all the time,
Creating,
Forgetting.
Turning on,
Realizin.
Turning off,
Pretending we didn't.
Rips,
Fix.
Tape,
Use.
Why dont you ever keep your word?
Because you always mean something different.

Till the edge of night, sorrows will fade

Through blackened nights,
grey, broken skies,
we set our sights higher upwards-
Looking unto the edge of night.

Looking at lost memories,
maybe perplexed at how things used to be.
Because now you're here,
and things will never be the same.
Only different.

I miss the oatmeal we used to eat,
laughing,
crying,
making fun of things that didn't matter.
Making fun of you.
  Instead,
  I close my eyes now.
  And see the haven where I am free;
  friends,
  family,
  everything I have missed ever so dearly.

  The people I pretend to hate,
  The things I pretend not to care about.
  It all hurts so much,
  can't you tell?

  A storm is coming,
  And I will wait here until the dawn.
  Because-
  Maybe. Just maybe.
  When the storm breaks,
  When the ships pass,
  Will this harbour be as clear as it was before?

  I wish so.
  I wish for new voyages,
  with you,
  with the people I miss.
  With the people who it's too late for me to apologize to.
  I am sorry.
  And the best part is,
  They will never know.

If this is the end of all things,
then you and I... we won't meet again.
But you'll be here,
in my arms.
Sleeping.
What can you see, on the horizon?
Hopefully something more promising than the future with me.

The ships have come to carry you home.

And-
though we'll return to twilight and shadow...
There is always hope.
This leave is taking place,
This is the parting of our miserable friendship.
I am sorry,
flower.

I am sorry,
cat.

I am sorry,
everything.

Fall now,
right side up.
This isn't your last post.
This isn't the gate closing.
But this feels like the end.
You feel in a dark place.
Don't give up.
have faith.
Even when there is none to look to.

I am sad.
I'm sorry.

Introducing the end to the editor, rejected and retold. A story.

This is,
a song of sorts,
a sad end,
to a new beginning.
A new rhythm,
a new beat,
a breath taken to sing the next note.

Stop.
Play it over in my mind.
And when I'm done,
you'll hear me over and over,
unable to clear your mind,
lose yourself.
Find me.
This isn't a mystery,
it's just you setting yourself free.
Why is that so hard?
Don't you hear these tunes ringing in your head,
even if I'm not here to say them to you?

Stop.
Get out of my mind.
You're changing the game.
Playing my like a fool by my own rules,
I'd rather crawl back to love than to
be a stranger in my own books, to my own mind.

This is,
an old tune.
There are no such things as new beginnings.
Creativity is dead.
So are you.

Run, ran, rain

Feet pounding,
rain pouring,
tears dripping,
sweat falling.

Run home,
you ran.
In the rain.
Ruined your suit, tie, and brand new sneakers.
But it was beautiful;
you were free.

Until the new day comes.
Until the sun no longer rises.
Until you smile no more and the rain never stops,
when running becomes too much to do without painkillers.
Then kill me,
for I am no more.
Even a purple leaf will not spare me the misery of my defeat.

... and how ironic,
that my own fault defeated myself.

I wish I could run again.
I wish I were young again.

Now I must admit I'm a little confused

But to be young and free is liberating and painless.
I feel weightless in the wind, on a harsh cold night,
because I know there is sun waiting for me tomorrow.
Treat me to a beautiful first night,
as I have now graduated. It is a new start. Not really just the same.

You are the same as I,
ordinary,
not particularly unique.
But there is something odd about you,
about me,
that I can see and that you can see,
even if it is invisible to everyone else.
To the naked eye.
To someone indifferent to our sufferings.

We are at the edge of a great new discovery,
because we are standing there,
looking across the black unknown,
trying to find our bearings.
And instead we realize that it's a beautiful thing just to be heard.
To be moved in your heart,
to be touched where you feel it the most,
to be placed back in a sad part of your heart,
where you will miss everything that's ever happened.

Graduates of 2012,
this marks your rebirth into society,
because now you are someone.
Even if like me,
you are no one.

Stand tall,
and I will stand in your shadow.
Lead me,
and I will follow.
Because even though I am confident and bold right now, right here,
I am still soul in this body that I always was.
I will follow in your footsteps.
Be my example.

Are you confused?
Good.
Because that's how I feel.

Beacons before tags

Such intense
Intents.
A rhyme in my
Rime.
Is there a connection?

Does it play off the word before?

That conscious reminder of the word before-
Is this an opium of synthetic fantasy?
Stop exploiting my imagination.
A finnish
Finish.

How cute.

Proportions and subjectivity

Join my party,
I will lead you,
    guide you.
Borrow my ideas,
Use me,
These are portions of subjectivity,
Chunks of conceived thought in my heart.

It's all there,
When you piece it together it should be clear.
Like a cat with desire,
Stuck in a dreadful place,
Do you see the miraculous development?
It can be said, then,
That this forward movement
Is a return to a time before the establishment of mercy.

Dreaming isn't imaginary. Is it ?

I'm picking cherries,
and I pick you.

Pick up the phone,
please?
But-
Congratulations.
You've yet again given me the busy tone.

My fault for trying to tear down those walls,
concrete and for sure.
I should have known that your empire doesn't crumble,
simply standing tall under iron rule.
It must be beautiful on the other side.
Are you wiser?
Are you smarter?
Or is it just another shade of grey.

Over there,
not-yet-a-sea-away,
does everything speak differently?
Is french a calming medium?
Or does a raised eyebrow mean so much more?

I don't know the answers to these questions,
and I don't care.
Because I see in my own language,
that this which is what I see,
is something unique and beautiful.

Marry me,
Cherry,
and I will plant your tree in a field that is green forever.
The sun will never drop,
the sky will never fade,
the seas will speak of this hidden place in the deepest caves of my heart.
Because-
if it exists...
wouldn't you want to be there?
Or am I just exercising a power beyond my rights.
Again.

What lies before us, we cannot tell. But it must be beautiful.

Among things that are beautiful in life there are not such nights so beautiful.

All nature is as it were sunk in our own dreams,
And gently inquiring the mind too is drawn in on itself,
To pursue the train of its own thoughts,
Which borrow the colors in the night sky.

Sunlit and alluring,
And all that is me,
Sunk into the dark ocean of an oblivion,
The impression the dark arctic sea makes is remarkable.

Stretching as far as the eye can see,
The dark sea often paints black ink against the drifting ice.

The sky, gleaming cloudless and pale blue,
Glowing in the rich poetry of sunrise,
Or sunset color,
Or slumbering lingering through the lingering twilight.

Showering far and wide, melancholy desolation and death,
In these regions the heavens count more than elsewhere,
They give color and character,
They have no pallet to the eye.
Never will i forget when i first entered these regions.

What lies before us, we cannot tell. But it must be beautiful.

Radar, satellite, technology.

Can I see what the weather patterns are,
Inside your head?

Drop tears from a higher place above the clouds,
Onto crumbled kingdoms,
Where death reigns over a battle in the sky.

Help I'm surrounded by temptations, love,
This is the same dream.
Am I stable?
Or am I descending back to Earth-
Treat me right,
Keep me alive.

I am an aspect,
Collecting the tears and dreams of a generation.

The first technologies,
I am the birth of a new age.

Highlight of my life.
Draw me a piece from memory, your romantic old self,
The past is a beautiful thing.

I want you to take over me

As part of a particular release,
I wanna win the war against this struggle-
But instead I surrender.

I never meant to fight against you,
To resist you,
How could I resist you?

You've this virtuous quality,
It's a property of sin,
With my two eyeballs I gather all I need to.
Maybe twice as much as I wish to see.

There is no reconciliation.
Your words ring true.
Let me disappear because this is not Love.

The cat named Minoru

It turns out that a lot of my love comes from a dark place.
I am not the commonwealth,
I am a flower of evil,
bloomed at midnight.

Awaken, search my soul,
and for what?
You may perceive,
for nothing will be found which will lead you closer to heaven.

Your task, is to be anything. To be everything. To be someone.
Something, anything. A stutter is but a step. You are a child; grow.

Are you somebody?
No.
Because you are a growth of lust and immeasurable beauty.
You care about nothing because you have everything.
This is a creed,
not a motto.
But let it be clear that you are beautiful.

I havent tasted red like this in a long time

A beautiful red in the black of night,
your blood tastes beautiful on my lips.


I lick it, like an open wound should sting,
I feel it, like an open wound should hurt,
I understand, like a brain should exercise daily.


Alright,
cool,
whatever.
Same here.

Your best work to date

because it's a well written,
well thought out,
piece of work.
You are quite something,
you think you're so remarkable,
yet you're so astoundingly futile.
Your love breaks no boundaries because you play it safe.
You are a fool,
Who'd want to play your game?

Don't give me a list,
give me a poem,
give me a code,
give me a map.
I would like to see what lies inside the treasure chest,
and if there isn't one?
Then find one and hide it.
Because I'll find it.
And I expect to be pleasantly surprised.

But that's my problem,
isn't it?
That I expect so much from you?
Only because- every. fucking. time.
     Every fucking time that I try not to,
    You put it onto me,
   And you are gentler,
 More noble,
Than the rest of us.

Turn me around,

playing in the dark,
holding heat in our hands,
we are the concubines of our hearts.

And do you miss it?
Because you've realized you need it,
so no.

You're growing up
and you see no point in believing things that don't matter.
When will you stop hating yourself?
...as much as I hate you.

Because it's cute.
And I wish you knew me,
But to make you happy I'll wait.
Watch. Wait.
To steal your body away from darkness,
To take flight,
or maybe-
     Holding on to something is better,
     we can stay ground on the ground,
     Since you so much want to be a dragon.
     Let me take Flight.

About a girl who can't hold a relationship because she's so full of her EGO

... then we go.
And let you go.

Because your ego is too much for me to go with.
But I love you;
Do I?

Why am I unsure of something like love?
Because you don't want me when I want you to be with me,
but an Ego is e-gad, disgusting.

You aren't my friend,
you are a beautiful mistake.
They call that shit relationships.
I hate that I can't go,
because I'll be here as long as you pretend to love me.

At any occassion I'd be ready for

You're sidestepping further downwards unto my shallow, weighted, misfortunes,
This is how much I care. Ill watch you burn as you waste,
And suffer as you sleep,
Let malice overtake you as if you drowned on air.
I wish your existence were so meaningless and painful,
That you wished upon your funeral.

That you wished for a time being less forgotten,
And if only you had repent.
Maybe.
Grown tired of feelings that are almost miserable,
But not quite,
They tried telling me it was love.
Beautiful.

Lastly, already

I make up for days of guilt and for being busy with nothing,
I miss having time for you,
And unspoken audience of nobody in particular.
Because im a disappointment,
Really.
But lastly, already,
You've forgiven me, no?
Because i haven't you.
I forgive you,
For hating me.

While you are sleeping my mind goes creaking

How about you stop with these games?
Im too tired of being used
Like a toy,
Like an object-
Apart from the feelings,
Really, i think ive had enough.
You're just another girl.

Im sick of your shit.
Let me be the bearer of bad news.
Because you're unbearable.

This is a lonely dance we move to

press your body against mine and sway to the tune,

move with me,

move out with me.

On parade to the world,

does it matter who cares-

Does it matter who knows?

I don't think so.

Because we're lonely beings,

isolated on a lonely rock,

floating through space.

And if the red wine spills...

who'll notice?

So take life's risks and be able to say you took chances,

because I would love to be part of the mystery in your life.

...If anything,

This is all just a carbon based existence.

... or don't pretend. This is a beautiful sight. Period.

Do you accept my offer? Or decline fervently?
I agree with whatever you pick.
Because you are beautiful,
and I will forgive you for anything, since you are my closest attachment to what makes me real.


Rarely do I forget,
even when I have seen blackouts mid-day.
You lead the way,
not like an X on a map,
but like a page to a book written on a desk.
You are that secret that I have found,
and nobody told me how to get there.
I made my own trail to you. And you accepted it.


So is this acceptable?
Will you stand for it?
Is the post simply a bother, because you don't want anything from anyone?
I wish you would stop and wait for my letter.
The romance in snail mail is dead.
And with it I have died in you as well.


Period.

Drawing shades. Becoming darker. Looking brighter. Pretend..

Normal, this is normal.

To be something you are not, to please because you want to be different. Or do you?

Don't you really just want to be normal?

Don't you really just want to tell everyone that you are the same as them?

Don't you just want to blend into the crowd and be ordinary?

If only it were that easy.

Label things,

make a schedule,

your location is here, the time is now.

But you look at your options and wonder:

     Is this really how I wanted to see the world?

     Or did I want to see something beautiful.

Because I expected it,

because you told me it could be true.

Because you were a liar and a cheat.

This isn't normal,

I am a machine and you are a fraud.

What are we doing?

Why can't we all just stop lying to each other.

I miss simpler times,

simpler people,

... when things weren't so dark and gritty.

Warm, black, bread

Like a glass city built by accident,
there are indentations in what I have to say.

Sometimes by chance,
I fall into something bigger than myself;
I discover greatness.

Perhaps it makes me feel less ordinary to explain to others that I do not really know what I'm doing,
because everyone else always pretends to be in control.
But they care too much.

Let the winds flow and take you,
because then you raise your arms silently,
teaching the world that you can resist gravity.

Things exist but if you can break the rules,
do you?
I say yes.
I have not yet heard your answer.

... Maybe it is better this way.

PENIS.

Alright, halfway there.
Because apparently I haven't written in red in a long time,
I thought it was that kind of time again. A mysterious one. One that eludes me. I miss this game.


"Yo why you tired at 5am bitch? You a big ol Vagina?"
"No man, been a long day. I just wanna rape people on DotA"
"Yo more like VAGINA DAY."
"aiiiiiite"
Who are these idiots I'm talking to?
Why can't I discern the difference between good and bad?


Is this why I want you so much?
To treat this as the final stretch to the start of something good-

Mistakes drawing slowly nearer

We are bridges,
suspended over uneasy waters,
bound to a shore we can no longer see.
Manipulating physics even though we're not entirely sure how,
we are children who learn to stand.
And slowly,
but surely,
we walk away from what we know,
with solid ground under our feet.

Stuck daydreaming, beautifully

The clouds hold a storm over this road...
You're dreaming...
Or at least you've got your eyes closed.

And you're suppressing your dormant love,

hibernating beneath a hardened coat.

Begging now, begging for air,

take one last silent breath, and sink under the water with me.

I'll pull back your hair and draw you,

draw you onto paper,

ever closer toward the window,

because I can see you,

and oh my god you're beautiful.

Do you wish to escape?
We've still got time...

In my mind this road runs straight,

but I can see you're scared,

unsure of where the bends will take you.

So then let me carry you home,

back home the long way,

we'll escape everything.

And maybe then, where I sit,

you can visit?

Or will you be with me the whole way,

holding my hand and steering which way,

because we're too good for radio.

... I should have just let it go,

a long long time ago.

Drawing upon a breath which fades into grey, seeing something so clear being washed away.

The piano keys repeat, the hands on the clock tick and move,

but nothing ever changes,

it's the same thing over and over.

Repeating.

Repeating what is good, what is enlightening,

treating you like someone who needs reminding,

because they don't think you're good enough.

I wish I saw what was good in me, like you did;

Maybe then I wouldn't be so unhappy?

Instead I'm sad,

that someone like you likes me,

I feel like i've tricked you,

I feel like you're going to be sorry.

This is my life, repeating.

Through washed up waves and

falling down broken balconies,

I've died over and over.

Were they not dreams,

but reality?
I saw what it was like to lose loved ones,

merely pages in a book-

But I wished they were more,

so that I could learn to love like I didn't before.

And instead I just asked for the same miserable existence...

... repeating.

To think even farther, beyond beauty

And to swim,
I learned to dream,
I learned to drown.

When i fell down,
Did you keep talking to me through the darkness,
To make sure i was alright?

I knew where we were going.
Without a destination,
I would have let go.

But now im free to tell you all,
Every moment spent longing for the perfect kiss,
Listening to the perfect song,
Do you think ill be alright?

Leave me, then.

But if unlike what i think,
If your answer is no,
Then stay by my side and tell me everything will be okay.
Ill believe you,
You dont have to tell me how.

Why do people care about me

I asked my friend, she is so beautiful, which is why I cannot understand how this answer came from her.
From her when I asked, who is she:

--------------
I am floating on an iceberg in the middle of the arctic and i'm wearing a pair of jeans and a parka.
I am sitting on this iceberg with my knees tucked under my chest and my arms wrapped around my shins.
And i am looking at the sky-
... I am crying.

And I am crying, because,
I am more alone than I have ever been in my entire life,
but I don't feel lonely at all.

Because, even in the frozen wasteland,
I am still part of the world.
That I can still feel lucky to be a part of it.

Dreams are poetic inspiration

You can't be real,
you're everything perfect.
If all my friends are flora and you are a manifestation of all that is good-

I know now why you don't exist.
Everything about you cannot be something,
because you are so impractical and this is what makes you beautiful.

So instead I'll still dream of you.

She's so beautiful until you realize that

in the blink of an eye all of this can be gone from me.

That you appreciate her until you realize

she isn't going to be there forever.

-That she is perfect in every way,

until she can break your heart,

and that your best friend was the one standing in your way.

... How could she do that to you?

Then you understand,

that it was for once not you,

but me.

That I had been untrue to my beliefs,

trying to make you happy,

trying to make you stay,

when all you really wanted was to go far, far, away.

That's why you marry someone,

because she won't leave you when things turn down,

she won't turn around and abandon this,

for this is everything you had hoped would make you happy.

A relationship unlike any other.

Taking the time to catch up on a broken trail

We're taken away by what doesn't last and told so many times that we'd been going too fast,

for had I not seen what were coming toward me,

maybe I'd have moved out of the way-

I dont think you realize that it's better this way.

To blah and bohl,
is to babble.
To treat death the same way we do life,
is dishonourable.
I think perhaps we think too much about the past and give no credit to the future.

Because you are beautiful,
and you don't want to waste that on a dark misery like me.

My friend,
she is like my tulip.
My good friend too,
she is always upside down.
My third friend,
she is short, funny, and a little strange, but I enjoy her company.
My fourth friend, oh merry me,
she is the sun that never drops, she is happiness on the horizon.

I keep trying to spend so much time with the people I left behind,
because maybe, just maybe,
This can change their perception that they have of my mind,
and they won't see something so black or grey,
but maybe brighter and hopefully I can brighten their day.

Arrested by our handsome faces-

We have dreams about these girls  we know,

but when we woke up we realized that those dreams were true.

Now I'm not trying to cause any trouble but

to be that guy that I am around my friends and to be the guy who'll make her proud...

She's just your girl, not mine.

And I step back into line,

listening to what I should have said the first time;

the words sound better from out of your mouth,

instead of mine.

But when she's looking at you,

I see her glancing at me,

and instead she's dancing with you-

Is this what feels good to her now?

Or is it just because she's your girl?

I know she could have been mine,

had I not wished otherwise.

Since one of us,

had to be the better man,

I let it be you who won the lady,

does this make me a knight?

... For simply giving you your girl?

I should probably think higher of myself,

instead of wanting but not deserving,

because maybe she isn't your girl...

... but mine?

I think to be someone great would be fun

I don't know what you think while you're sleeping...
but I hope that soon I'll dream of you.


I do hope. I want to be with you.


Your heart's a house,
abandoned and reoccupied.
I wish it never hurt to tell you that I want you by my side.


I don't know what it feels like when you die...
I hope that soon I'll dream with you. To be taken away in a fake reality,
Fantasy.


Life's like a house,


    All that I asked for was a little bit of your heart,
    I gave you my love and you tore it apart.


I know your back... I always see you there.
The consequence of being fair-
Shying away doesn't let me live... I wish I could set things right,
Do you still stand out of the light?


Here and there... It seems unfair.
You seemed to be something,
that you think to me,
someone hard to forgive.


Were we not made to live?
Is it so hard to believe?
How much do I try to set things right.... I'll have you.

Love is that which enables choice

It gives you the freedom to be your own downfall,
to be the creator of worlds,
your own path or destiny.


I love her so.

I feel like I'm part of the resistance

I wish instead that I were a part of the release,
I want you to die so that I can be free.

I hadn't understood before what it meant to be happy,
now I do.
When they said that one couldn't exist without the other suffering an unjust truth,
I didn't think you meant me.
But now that I'm more understanding,
can't you set me free?
Give me the key,
and I will bury you.
Give me a candle and I will put you back in the darkness where you belong.

THIS, is suffering.
My screaming at the top of my lungs and you not hearing,
because you're too busy screaming your own obscenities in the middle of the night.
THIS is my guilt,
where I have to regret each morning not having killed you the night before.
And oh,
how easy it would have been.
To slit your throat or your wrist,
To slip a pill in your drink,
To watch you waste away and die right before my eyes.
I would kill you,
if not for the miserable defeat I would endure afterward,
at the hands of a masked swordsman;
unknowingly walking to my own death,
only to be freed for my good deed on the world.

This is a horrible mess,
and I wish I wasn't a part of it.

God dammit.

I'm trying to think of it in a way that makes sense,
that some wounds are hindered by weakened wills,
and that a few well-wielded words can work wonders.


So I hoped I guess to shed light on some withstanding wrongs with
warm words, in a cold, creepy, sorta way.

If you tell me everything will be okay then I'll believe you, you don't have to tell me HOW.

Would you hold me so I'd never be afraid?

As the sky falls down,

would we be the last two to fall down?

These questions are the price of admission,

and the price is right.

Standing in luminescent fire,

the cost of one ticket to the ride of your life;

It's your life.

Till the time she stood up and drove away

She can say
whatever she's going to say,
who knows what she'll say?

Don't take me tongue Tied

I can't get that song out of my head;

"don't take me, tonguetied,

don't take me, good bye,

take me to your best friend's house"

I like this.

It makes me smile and grimace at the actual world,

unafraid of what awful futures await me,

I have received the grace of knowledge and I accept this future.

Maybe we should all just learn to be taken.

Untitled changes [8]

What does a title do but confuse you?
What does it do but hide what's new and different in the world.


I'm waiting for that someone,
even if they can't see that I've changed;
they really take the breath out of me.
That people could be like that,
I'm always dreaming,
wondering if this is love or a dream upon a dream.
A dream to take me away from a reality I don't to believe is true.


Does the light lie to me too?
Hiding what's true by changing its rays of light,
to cover up somethings that I don't want to see?


I guess it's just a dream, then,
cause I'll have no one to ask,
but until then you can be my honey.
And may I be Winnie The Pooh?

This is me before anything has begun

I am a [0], a nothing,

a nobody, an insignificant spec.

I am the spec on the earth which is a spec in the universe,

do we really exist at all, if we mean so little in the grand scheme of things?

Compare me to everything else,

belittle me and drive me into the ground,

make sure I never stand up again,

because I don't want to live on this planet anymore.

Not when there are people like you.

You make me feel so special.

Dreams are the tears of your heart

Sparked the stirred,
I'm sick of your face.


This is an unfortunate parting of ways,
haven't I just met you?

The years behind me will be a bore and a waste of my time,
but I will always remember meeting you.
And I would regret if i never said anything,
so i can only say it here in the kingdom of my blog,
inside a fort,
I'm safe, alone forever.


So lower the drawbridge and scream out loud,
because unless you do then I'll leave you to the alligators,
and nothing will change if you're proud.
It's the dirty stretch of your life that will make you suffer,
for the people closest too you will forget that you liked their best friend,
and you will no longer be cool in your own right. It will be a mystery.

Shattered down in 30 seconds or less

i was so high, swaying from side to side,
not knowing what would happen to move me next.


That's when the beat dropped and brought me back,
I see it here, it doesnt let me have anything to say,
she pins her finger on my lip and tells me to sit,
she's going to play I don't have to tangle up the strings that make her puppet work.


I bet i'm addicted to all kinds of escape and
i take it out on you because i'm so alone,
look lady;
i'm so hopeless I'm suicidal daily,
cause I don't have the energy left for this relationship.


Her stress rejuvenates my breath,
it gives me hope that she still has something to live for,
she won't ignore me, give me the evil eye,
because she realizes I'm the only man who acknowledges her existence;
that's what happens when people think you're an unobtainable beauty,
you get left alone and your game is boring.
So you prey on others who don't have the blessing you do,
and you play them like a card game,
left to chance but you don't realize they won't go down without a fight,
so thats how it happens up in here,
I've had it with your shit now get up and disappear-


wait. I guess I was wrong.
since I'm still in this friendship.
A friendship never was a relationship, you're right.
I guess I took a little too much,
should have just waited a few years.
My fault for taking your cigarette.

I didn't make the mistakes right the first time

I let you go,

I let you stay that way for another day,

because I didn't quit giving up on you.

There's something special about how simple you are,

how much you can appreciate the things I hate about you.

And I mean you don't.

You're too simple to see it,

You are happy knowing nothing but what you want to.

You can't even see

what's a part of me.

So you realize face down to the ground,

that fear is near and this one night will make you see here what's gone.

Once upon a dream,

this was a part of me,

but now you won't even try to realize,

because you're happy with those lies.

Let me kill the villain,

it's you.

Stop staring as my eyes glare straight at your heart,

I won't even try to make you realize that this is me.

What is the hope that we have ridden ourselves of?

There's nothing left, really.
Cleaning up is like starting again,
except you get to work backwards and see your mistakes as you do it.

I guess this is why I never reflect upon my mistakes,
because I'm too busy making new ones and leaving the old ones behind for others to clean up.
That's why the dirt stains my hands and my feet,
leaving me sore and broken,
because I am someone else's problem.

I wish I hadn't stood so close to the edge,
living in the center of the sun,
because even if I'd told you what it was like,
you wouldn't understand the pain it caused me to live each day.
I burned too hot and lived too young,
I felt around in the white light for something to hang on to,
because I thought that I needed someone to pull me out.
Then I realized that I was at the center of the universe;
people looked  to me.

... So I stood up and got together,
told my thoughts to go away,
cleaned my slate and bought a new pen,
then wrote what I felt so that you could read.
I spoke to the page what I needed you to hear,
even though you will never read it.

Maybe the sun doesn't burn at all,
Maybe it stares at us from it's place in the sky
because we want it to.
And because we wouldn't know what to do if one day it decided not to.
This is why you see me every day.
Because if I didn't then something would be wrong.
And in your world,
everything is okay.

My love, she is like a river.

Rolling along,
ignoring the cries of man and chance-
You can't keep her from moving on
but if you get down,
really get down,
down,
then
maybe 
you 
could
tell
that
girl
"how much I love your brain."
Suffer her with the burden of pretending she cares,
that you love her smile, her voice, her brain.

-that she doesn't have to be everything mainstream,
because what she is, is good.
And beautiful,
as mere exposure can only do
something great about a mystery.

I finally understand it,
the secret is mine.

...

....

.....

Too bad it's not a formula you can change,
just something you can understand.

This is how she works.

You're honestly in Love

But let me tell you a hurtful truth,
one you may not want to hear.

Y
 o
  u
     all lose in love.
You
       a
        l
         l
          lose in love.
You all
            l
             o
              s
               e
                 in love.
You all lose 
                   i
                    n
                      love.
You all lose in
                      l
                       o
                        v
                         e.


How we wanted it to be...
But now I'll never see you again.


Supposed to be,
Did not happen,
This is struggling to get out of a coma.
The boy you know is Dead-ead-ad-d-d-dd......


We just wanted to live so you'd remember me,
Now you're never going to be here again,
You checked out-
And tell me what I once would have wanted to hear from you,
because I am now the one in charge.
I've run from the keeper,
I've escaped from its recursive spell-
Unlike regular people, the people you know,
I no longer feel the need to fall in love.
And so you come to me like I am your god,
because it is actually you who just wants someone to listen.

Honestly, I've been begging for answers...

As I run I start to breathe.

And what's left of this paragraph,

The words are nearly over now-

     Now being here near the ocean,

     There's proof that you exist in more than just my dreams;

     I could stand here for hours just to ask you that question,

     But I start to think everyone here is make believe.

... So now I've turned around and I'm running away.

Away from you,

I'll be desperately waiting alone in the dark.

While you think of the world as it could have been,

I'll find another man who you can love instead of me.

Waiting for proof that this sunset is just a silhouette dream.

And we climbed so fast

... Before we let go at the top.




And we fly,


As we fall-


Hold my hand through it all.




If we built something out of nothing would we break it or will we never find out at all?
Is this what I meant to you,
when everything I said to you came out sounding so very small.
As the sky falls down around us now,
Tell me everything will be okay.
I'll believe you,
You don't have to tell me how.


And then we can cry while looking up at the shards of glass,
because we'll be safe.
Untouched by it all,
Scratched up and bullied,
You will take care of me, I'll be fine.
That is-
.... Until I fall back down.

Closed by Desire

But without it, where would I be?
Would I drown under,
or am I blindfolded by desire?


I'm at home now-
So now I never have to leave.
I've been bad so I'll never explore...
I am yours now, so You never have to leave.


----

Loo loo surprise

A hello I say goodbye.
I love you, sorry for saying. Hello.
We're all gonna be 19 one day;
Lets love one. Day.

You hate me for everything, don't you?

I wish I wasnt such an inconvenience,
I wish the things I said were more logical,
I wish I wasn't the one thing that could ruin your life.
I wish everything wasnt going so right for you,
I wish there was less for me to break of your heart
I wish I wasnt so useless, I wish I guess, that you noticed me like I notice you. I wish death wasnt as inportant, I wish I could just hide away and be loved by you. But this is impossible. So I will hide alone.

Beautiful, you are to me

Climbing up that mountain,

I sat and enjoyed the trees.

I wanted to see the life that surrounded me,

hiding behind bushes and branches that act as shroud-

This isn't my mystery,

I'm your friend-

But you don't want to see that,

am I too upset by the world to be your somebody?

Then fine, I'll sit. And cry. And let you say your last word.

Goodbye.

...

But then I cry.

I break down.

I've never cried before, not really.

I can''t stand here watching you walk away,

because you hate me,

not because you love him.

The steps in my feet count to the things that matter most,

your heartbeat.

seeing how I can't be without anything but you,

do you mean the same thing I mean,

when we follow the trail unseen,

because we feel each other's rhythm pushing us forward?

It's the power of distance that drives us forward,

in a cardinal direction related to each other.

I wish You could see this with me,

I wish I was there,

to set you free,

or maybe it's the belief that you don't have to be.

Because you don't need me.

So maybe you're with someone else,

but I will keep fighting for what I believe.

So this is now why I feel angry, not grief-

because I promised something to you and myself,

and watching me letting you to go away is breaking that promise to myself.

Then fine.

I'll wipe my eyes,

I'll wipe the defeat with soot and mask your victory,

because I can't give up something I never loved.

Instead I've lost what may have been the greatest victory of my life.

I wish you'd have given me a chance to love you before you pushed me away.

And let my castle sink into the grey unknown,

falling from grace is her majesty.

Me.

Titles mean nothing to us under these big blue stars

Underneath the big dipper,
we gathered stars;
we took off both our slippers,
and sank into the water.


We met a man who told us what we needed,
he gave us direction.
Then we swam and we found,
hold my hand through it all-
If we jump into the water,
would we swim or would we drown?
If we build a set of wings then could we be fly,
or just fall down?
And if you keep talking to me,
maybe the darkness throughout this night will be alright.


There we were without a map,
without a path,
without a destination.
We knew where we were going.
I carried you there on my back,
so that you could see the ground below us,
before you let go;
And we fly,
and we fall.
Hold my hand,
through it all.


And if-
If you keep talking to me through this darkness,
through my life,
I'll be alright.

The things we once understood

Did you see it how I saw it?
Or did you miss it by a mile?

We didnt cross bridges,
We didnt climb mountains.
And Im fine with that.

Because Im in love with a bitch named misery

An extended metaphor

Close your eyes and enjoy it.
Feel it burn,
You payed for this.

It's tight, constricting;
Doesnt it feel good?
Doesnt it make you wish you could have this every moment of every day?

You could have this right before you sleep,
Help relieve some of the stresses of your every day.
It's something different from the ordinary.

People think it's cool to do it,
They brag.
You do it cause it's fun,
You like having it in your hand,
It makes you feel in control.

Watch the faces of people twist and frown when you talk about it.
Youre smoking a cigarette.

I took it for granted

Mistakes I've made,
I never learned from.
I got mad.

And yet you were there for me,
why didn't I say "I'm sorry"?
Was I selfish?
I don't think so, for I still love you.
Maybe I just fell too far from the truth,
landing in a hole that I've dug for myself my hole life.

Overnight,
I realized.
Throughout the day,
I was taught my none other than yourself.
And you didn't have to say a thing.

It's a beautiful thing,
your voice.
It's a horrible truth,
your sheltered life.
And I take what I have for granted.

So laugh with me,
at all the stupid things.
Stand with me,
as we watch it all burn.
And maybe-
Maybe then,
We can grow as people as we understand that nothing else matters.

Nothing but the things that will never last.

Writing to a mask called sober regret

Empty plates fill our stomaches,
The consequences are everywhere.

Trying to set things right,
We trip in the shadow of a beast,
While standing on the shoulders of giants.

What is this mystery,
What is it that you think of me?

Let's enjoy what little time we have left,
Give me your hand and ill give you mine.
Ignore the cuts;
Scars dont disappear over time.

Turning the tides in a sea which doesn't fight back

Groups of houses,
Row on row,
Staring back at you, didnt you know?
The house you grew up in,
At the lower income part of town;
It still loves you every day
For hours upon hours,
For houses don't move.
But people do.
Love seen not felt is not worth giving;
Hurting the ones who matter most.
Me.

Tonight is a good night.

The stars are shining bright,
And the moon stands guard like overwatch.

I see clearly now.
My thoughts stand before me row in row,
And I realize now that not a thing in the world can bother me.

I am free.
The branches watch as I shudder under them,
They give me hope and I see the faded lines of grey that mark their baggy eyes.
The knots they have untangle mine,
I am no longer nervous.
This is the air I breathe, they act through me.
I am the messenger of a new age,
Tomorrow will be beautiful.

And as we ride the sun over the hills that watch our backs,
We realize that there is a sudden dawn,
A new horizon,
A brand new canvas for our beautiful portraits.

So why do you stand at the edge of darkness,
When you're standing so close to fire, that you feel it's warmth burning your skin-
I feel misery, watching,
I only feel like I can see when I have closed my eyes.
This is the truth and you know it,
But you won't believe it.

Dance with me.
Frolic in what little daylight we have left to spend,
Because the good things come when we least expect them.

Enjoy life, Enjoy it with me, Enjoy the simplicity of it all.
Before we forget it.

We stood at the edge of gladness and well being.

And yet we chose to jump to the bottom.


Did it hurt?
Not that it matters.
But it did.


Left to drown in tears of sorrow,
High strung and mighty at the school's great big talent show.
And even number of unfair pairings.


You climbed up to the top,
I had just gotten down to the bottom.

Pick my heavy heart off of the Floor-

I'm alone in a crowded room,
Have you ever seen nothing true,
left wondering whether this is how you're supposed to feel in this gloom,
or whether trouble is still going to brew?


I'm here with you,
but I feel stuck still in the corner,
detract and unafraid of what I knew,
glad that I was a stoner.


Cause now I could pretend you didn't exist, that I couldn't see,
Since you were never cool enough to just let me be.
I had to change to please you... This is why you and me
Never would really work since you only saw your way, my way was something you just couldn't see.