Find me a place where the wind never blows.

so I may be alone to my thoughts under the trees,
ill never love you again.

when I met you,
you were the only song I'd ever wanted to sing,
now I can't see any other place I'd want to be.

and left here,
in this crowded city...

I want to know how I've deserved this.

Don't bargain when you're weak

Stubbornly you're waiting for me,
but you've made a mistake.

Because I'm not coming for you,
The chariot does not come to the white knight,
I have not yet crossed the mountain before you,
and soon it will be dawn.

I'm not your vindication,
I'm the crack in your voice,
The soft, unending suffering.

But You.
You're my one and only.
If I try to forget you,
I just miss you more.
And since we've parted ways,
it was probably my fault. I see that.

Stubbornly, I'm waiting though.
Waiting for You.
And this is no mistake.

Because I see clearly now,
through enigmatic clouds and forshadowed suffering;
You're my one and only.
Why can't I replace you,
more and more I'm finding the will to try-
..maybe I was wrong?
..maybe I felt weak.

No.
While it's nice to know,

  where you will be,
  who you will talk to,
  what you'll be thinking, saying,

It's no longer my concern.
So thank you.
And may my hat come off to you.

I think I loved you at one point or another.

Grey Matter

I am a self-destructive concoction, volatile and futile.
Inside of me is a dark, evitative spool.

Drawn with pen,
Struck with emotion,
I am choking on tears I never knew I had.

And I don't want to live on this Earth anymore,
I don't want to die with people like this.

Instead-
Take me to the moon,
so that I can die at peace,
suffocating in the vacuum of space.
Silently, Peacefully, with purpose and conviction. That is how I want to die.

I want to die suffering,
but through the suffering of my own choosing,
not in a world, where I may be associated wrongly with such filth as this.

It's gotten bad again.

And you don't even know the half of it.

I don't understand why but it is impossible for me

to get past the hurt.

Do you think I haven't tried

avoiding this misfortune? Or that

We asked for this pain...

There is no 'we' anymore, only me.

And I'm sad.

Upset, Lonely.

What do you want from me?

Pain? You can have that.

I don't want it anymore,

I have too much of it.

Not like I used to,

but like I wanted to.

There is nothing that I want

more than to go to the past and relive it all

differently- so that the person I am now would not be me.

     You are a mistake and we

     don't love you anymore.

          Where is our fear

          but in our hearts?

What faith should I have left

but that in the hearts

of those men, braver

so than me.

See now,

Nothing.

Because there is no faith.

There are no good men.

&

You should expect nothing from me.

Composting too many years of your life

Nothing good grows from the soil of your knowledge,
No product comes from the toil of your labour.

Undying,
Unending,
Unwanting of redemption.

Its better this way.

End

I sleep all day,
Just waiting for this day to end.

I hang my neck
Up in this line.

Stand up straight,
Pretend and put on this smile.

Smoke this cigarette,
Just one more time.

Kick the barrel
That you're standing on,
Tighten the rope
Until you're dead.

Take one deep breath,
Breathe one last time.

Live without love

Life without love
Is like
A bed without sleep,
Sheets unmoved.

It's like
Bulbs without power,
No light in the room,
Nobody can see your beautiful smile.

It's like
Cars without gas,
So much potential
But unable to reach its destination.

And when I avoid my excuses
By claiming that I didn't see anyone
To love,
I realized that I had fallen out of love
With myself.

See here, can you hear?

Resting just too far away for me to find you-
There's no way for me to prove that it
Wasn't me,
Isn't.

Hidden but still there,
You didn't vanish here like
You did from my life.
You are a shadow of my regret,
Hidden but still there.

Live and die, we're really just the same

Do you care about tea leaves for the flavour or are
You too stuck up with insignificant details?

Wasn't that our problem,
I wanted to tempt you with more
But you never gave me a chance to prove it-

Whatever way we go,
Ill remember how you drove me insane;
Maybe I miss it.

Because when we're together,
These are images of my own creation.
Once more into the war,
This time
Will it be beneath us?

You're more than I'd imagined would come in between.
and in truth,
Reality,
By chance,
I'm swimming.

You know the weight.
But you pushed me into the deep end.
Thanks for getting rid of the sand between my toes.

Because ill find solitude in my lungs,
Filled with the smoke
Of these water pipes and from
The ends of these burnt out cigarette butts.

One nerve remains,
The one that sets this fuse in motion,
The one that stops you from haunting me.
What do I need to say?

Not to get rid of you...
... but to forget you.

Sometimes I wait for the rain

Because they can hide the tears I cry,
So sick of trying.

I shout out
"I love you",
Just to hear what it would sound like.

And I fall.
Because who'll be there to pick me
Up?