To make it to heaven I'd have to go through hell

I can't escape the devil,
been holding this stress for too long.

stopped learning what I should have when I was eight,
im not making shit up,
this is my real life so I can speak this shit.
you don't know how close to the top I am,
been ready for so long to fall back down.

So the engraving went like this;

Don't forget me, Please.
Don't forget I existed.

What's gone now,
Is temporary,
in the light of mere memory,
I am eternal.

I taught you,
That stays with you forever.
I fed you,
And now you have learned to feed others.
I held your hand,
And now you must show the way for your brothers, and sisters.

So I leave you this watch,
To make sure you're always on time,
For any appointment except death.

Read it,
Understand it.

"Remember me, Love, Mom."

Complimenting me, Not really.

Looking at the places we went wrong,
You're stuck.









Look at me,
I don't want to work with you,
I don't want to speak to you,
I don't want to stand here and take this.
Because relationships are give and take.
And I have nothing left to give you.

These spaces,
holes in memory,
are empty.
Cold.
I can't find the truth.
Is this hide and seek?
Because I'm not really trying to find answers,
I'm just waiting until it's over.

I know that I'm not all you wish I could be, but conditions don't exist in real love.

Whether that means this is not love,
Or whether that means you don't love me,
I don't know.
Or maybe this is love and we just have to see past what you don't like about me.

Party,
Drink,
Forget.

I wish You knew,
That to me,
This is love.

That I'm working for you,
That I'm dying to be with you,
That these sleepless nights are spent thinking of you.

I'm no knight,
But dear,
I would search the world,
every city,
Looking for you if you ran away because of this.

Looking down, Walking fast, No regrets with things undone

We're walking so fast,

Sometimes we forget to look to see where we need to turn.

Is this your house?

Is this your life?

Are you awake,

Or have you closed your eyes?

Here's a cake,

Take a bite,

but now you've forgotten to close your eyes.

The taste will fly by,

Leaving nothing behind,

But the stale crumbs and thoughts of suicide.

I hate this,

Because you're so tough,

Not you, cake,

But me,

Love.

Sad, if you do not know what love is,

Sad, if you do not know if you are in love,
Sad, if you do not know if love exists,
Sad, if you do not know if you believe in it.

Sad, because words hurt more than actions,
Sad, because words hurt more than guilt,
Sad, because words hurt more than everything you left behind,

Sad, because You thought that this was love.

You're kind of important, but I don't think I've met you yet

So who are you?
Are you friend,
Or are you foe?

Do you like who I am,
Or are you too tired to speak.

I like the way you laugh,
when you don't know what you're saying,
The way you smile when you know what I'm saying,
Because you understand that I don't smile often.

This is a beautiful sight to see.
I wish I could close my eyes and see this,
but I'm too blind because of what's in infront of me
    You.
Or is it me-
Am I looking into a mirror,
expecting you to be beside me,
holding my hand,
when you don't exist?

I'm forgetting myself,
Losing my memories,
I'm not even sure if they were mine to begin with.

Everything is grey now,
Not solid,
Liquid,
Not like they used to be,
I don't even know if I am happy anymore.

Squinting,
I can see.
But everything is blurry,
Try it.
Try with me,
because I am trying so hard.
I just need a push,
A step,
Something that will take me in the right direction.

What a miserable person, reading this

Had you nothing better to do,
than to mock me?

I don't understand,
I don't see,
I don't breath right anymore.

What waves did you sense,
when you left me for higher ground?
Was that instinct?
Or was that you knowing what would happen and you not telling me.

It's not a scheduled event,
but a constricted truth;
I don't know how to express my emotions in words anymore.

I don't know how to write anymore,
I used to read a lot,
I used to write a lot,
and now I can't even speak-
I can't form my thoughts into words,
coherently,
so that other people can understand me.

I'm sinking,
slowly falling inside out.

Help isn't close to us, but they say it's on the way

But what do they know?
Fools for love,
Singing songs while looking at their feet-
The world is a dark and dangerous place,
Yet you are convinced that we stand out of the gloom,
In a place above the clouds.
There is no bright side,
Only the truth of greed and selfishness;
We are awful people,
Still, we should make the most of everything.
She left a hole where your heart should be,
Can you stand tall or do you look tp heroes?

If this is my life,
Maybe I am scared,
Scared of the deep end.